JSJoe's buddy
How'd ya like this shop class, Joe?
JJoe
I like it swell. Why?
[Scene cuts to Joe's big eared buddy]
SAServo [as Joe's buddy]
Could you staple my ears back?
S6The Skydivers
[Mr. Barnes is in the middle of explaining the importance of taking an industrial arts course to Joe. However, his speech is monotonous, and he speaks haltingly.]
BMr. Barnes
[We'll need] carpenters.
SAServo [as Mr. Barnes]
[woodenly] We'll need actors. People who can read. Lines with... and interact with others.
. . .
[Mr. Barnes continues explaining over a shot of the inside of a foundry.]
BMr. Barnes
[We'll need] foundry men.
[singing] Oh, you never would believe where those Keebler cookies come from...
BMr. Barnes
Tool operators.
CSCrow, Servo
[singing] Tool operator . . . tooooooool operator . . .
[As the short ends]
CCrow
This is the film the boys had to watch and the girls had to go to the gym and watch the other film!
The Skydivers (movie)
SSuzy
Is Frankie here?
BBeth
Frankie's not here.
Frankie goes to Hollywood.
BBeth
Would you like some coffee?
JMJoe Moss
Coffee?
CACrow [as Joe]
What is this "coffee"?
JMJoe Moss
[stiltedly] I like coffee!
BBeth
Well, good!
And thus we peer into the complex inner workings of this character.
. . .
[Beth and Joe walk across the airfield]
SAServo [as Joe]
Where is it, your "coffee"?
[The plane Beth is in starts to malfunction before it even leaves the ground]
CCrow
Terror at Sea-level.
[giggling] More terrifying than Airport '77!
[Harry pulls his hugely coiffed wife Beth out of the malfunctioning plane.]
What happened?
MAMike [as Beth]
I saw my hair in the mirror and I panicked!
[Beth looks on as Harry [played by Tony Cardoza] straps on a parachute in what appears to be the middle of a desert field.]
MAMike [as Beth]
Uh, I think you'll need the plane, too, Tony.
Bob, you ready?
BBob
[off-camera] Sure, Harry!
[Cut to a parachuted man making his way out from the back of a deep hangar.]
Wait! He- he- he was there, and now we g-- the plane was--!
[sputters unintelligibly]
CCrow
Someone with attention deficit disorder edited this film.
. . .
[A helmeted Harry climbs into the unmarked, unnumbered white plane.]
CCrow
What's the point of a helmet in skydiving? In case you land on your head?
Generic Plane. Cheaper than other planes.
. . .
[Poofy-haired Beth watches Harry take off.]
CCrow
Honey, even if a hairstyle is "in," it may not be the right one for you...
[Harry carries Suzy, wearing a hooded white beach robe and opaque sunglasses, from her boat to her boat-like convertible.]
Enjoy this tribute to white, white bodies.
. . .
SAServo [as Suzy]
I need to get out of the sun to maintain my fishbelly-white complexion.
SSuzy
Will I see you tomorrow?
MAMike [as Harry]
Uh, you have to ask the editor.
[monotone] No... not tomorrow.
CACrow [as Harry]
I have a headache... tomorrow.
[Inside a rather dark room, Beth lights a candle on a small dinner table.]
Ah, she's setting up for a séance.
CCrow
They're going to invoke the spirit of the continuity man.
. . .
MAMike [as Harry]
Dinner isn't white enough, honey.
And Frankie, if I ever catch you around here again, I'll break both your legs.
MAMike [as Frankie]
What if I don't bring 'em with me?
BBernie
I feel real free in that wild blue sky.
CACrow [as Bernie]
Cops can't touch me up there.
BBernie
...Feels good, making like a bird, floating around up there.
MAMike [as Bernie]
Poopin' on people.
[After half an hour of mumbled dialog and uneventful skydiving...]
Seems like they forgot to have things happen in this movie.
[As Harry departs, Beth walks up to his friend Joe. The coveralled pair exchanges a meaningful look.]
CCrow
Two zips and we're naked!
[Of Suzy's dimwitted, pliable paramour, Frankie...]
CCrow
He's like an idiot savant--minus the savant.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.