[The Narrator talks about lunchtime at the fair over footage of children eating, including a noticeably obese boy chowing down on a foot-long hot dog.]
SA Servo [as Narrator]
Watch the boy on the left. His heart's about to explode! Waaait ...
. . .
Over at the 4-H Booth, they get fried chicken with all the trimmings!
[confused] What, tinsel, little lights?
This is an actual 4-H feeding frenzy.
. . .
Other fairgoers like to picnic on the grass like this.
MA Mike [as Narrator]
Grazing in the grass is a gas. Baby, can you dig it?
[Bob Olson examines a jet plane.]
Bob still has lots to see. This is a jet plane.
SA Servo [as Bob]
Where's the corn go?
Wonder what it would be like to fly it?
MA Mike [as Narrator]
...over Cambodia, secretly maintaining plausible deniability. [N]
[Harness races at the grandstand]
CA Crow [as horse]
Get the car! There's carrots in the car!
SA Servo [as horse]
Carrots? I love carrots!
. . .
A wheel slices into the crowd, killing three!
[quietly, as if off in distance] Aiieee ...
Still, nothing measures up to those bass, huh?
. . .
CA Crow [as boy]
Come on, you chunk of dog food, I got a year's allowance on ya!
. . .
[One horse is way behind.]
MA Mike [as horse]
Uh, hey guys, wait up!
. . .
And The Oak Ridge Boys take the stage.
Mike [singing as The Oak Ridge Boys] Elvira...
[Fade to the next scene]
SA Servo [as Bob]
Dad, I owe Big Lenny 42 large!
[At the 4-H cow show, the judge announces the winner.]
Well! The champion's blue ribbon goes to a girl!
CA Crow [as Narrator]
The cows are furious!
[As the short ends]
Too soon, the rides are over.
CA Crow [as Narrator]
The lawsuts begin.
And too soon, all the fun comes to an end.
. . .
CA Crow [as one of the Olsons]
You spent your nickel, we're done.
Code Name: Diamond Head (movie)
[Over a pristine shot of Hawaiian beach...]
Well, this is a very nice place, I can see why families would want to--
[A man suddenly pops his head up into frame and starts singing.]
MS Mike, Servo, & Crow
AAAAAAAAH!
This is so almost Mitchell .
It's about fifty pounds short of Mitchell .
[Magic Voice and Cambot present to Crow and Servo a hypothetical vision of what life on the Satellite would be like if Mike wasn't nice]
[to Crow and Servo; dressed like and acting like a strict Boy Scout chief] I suppose you think you're bein' a smart aleck, don't you mister? Well, I'll tell you something; I'll wipe that smile right off your face!
Hey; we were just reading-
[hits Crow with a magazine he confiscated from him] Shut your pie hole! I know a thing or two about a thing or two; I'm not gonna take any lip from you two, I'll tell you that right now!
But we didn't- [gets hit by Mike and starts crying]
I'm not gonna raise any sissies around here; you guys got it easy! Look at this (soda) pop; is it done? Look at it! [jams the soda cans into Servo's and Crow's faces] Now that's a done pop!
[unnerved, from outside the monitor simulation] Okay, Cambot; we've seen enough!
Turn it off; TURN IT OFF !!!
[Over the title screen]
Because you're bad at math?
No students' arms were harmed in the making of this film.
[The short is a Centron production.]
[We are brought to a dull and rather gloomy industrial arts course in progress.]
[after several seconds of silence] Depressed yet?
JV Joe [voiceover]
You know, it's fun to have an idea.
MA Mike [as Joe]
There, wasn't that fun?
[In voiceover, industrial arts nerd Joe talks about his beloved craft.]
And you know, I like the feel of a board moving smoothly against a sharp saw.
MA Mike [as Joe]
[luridly] ...then I thrust the nail into the soft, yielding wood...
I like the smell of fresh wood chips and sawdust...
SA Servo [as Joe]
[nervously] I put them in my underwear!
...the bright glare of a welder...
CA Crow [as Joe]
[wobbily] I like to sneak in and lay on the table saw!
...the sharp whine of the power tools…
MA Mike [as Joe]
...the piercing scream of a freshman…
...or the dull tap-tap of tools on leather.
CA Crow [as Joe]
[wobbily] Tap ta-tap-tap... I keep Popular Mechanics under my mattress!
The feeling of chaps with no pants!
Let it go, man! Shop class was a long time ago! It's OVER!
CA Crow [as Joe]
[haltingly] These tools are my friends!
What about girls young man? Girls?
Of course, I don't know if I'd ever tell my buddies all this. 'Cuz, well, sometimes they laugh when you tell them things like that.
CA Crow [as Joe]
Then they pants you and drag you around the track…
[Joe's buddy admires a piece of Joe's handywork.]
JS Joe's buddy
Wow, you made this?
MA Mike [as Joe]
I'm making it for the Grand Wizard.
JS Joe's buddy
Ya know, this looks as good as furniture you'd buy in a store.
It ought to, it's taken me long enough to make it.
JS Joe's buddy
Kinda slow, huh?
Yeah, but I've learned after making this one that I can probably make another in about half the time.
CA Crow [as Joe]
Still, your Mexicans do it real cheap.
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