SSuzy
Well, Frankie, are you chicken?
MAMike [as Frankie]
Uh, let me see... am I a chicken? Well I don't have a comb, or a gizzard, but sometimes I do ingest gravel to grind my food and my--uh...
S6The Skydivers
[Suzy and Frankie sneak into the hangar, where white skydiving helmets peek out between folded chutes.]
Oh, no! The skydivers have been laying their huge eggs!
[The crowd applauds as the night divers arrive to board their plane.]
This isn't The Right Stuff; it's just... some stuff.
[A middle-aged man in a plane aims a rifle at Suzy and Frankie as they flee in their car.]
MAMike [as Man]
[muttering] I see me a hippie. [shouting] Getcher hair cut, hippie! Not so "groovy", is it?
[Joe, in his energy-less delivery, says goodbye to the widowed Beth.]
CCrow
A stranger comes to town, touches nobody's life, and leaves.
. . .
MAMike [as Beth]
Now I can do what I really want to! Which is, uh... I'm not sure. Heh. What color is my parachute?
[A guitarist resembles Ralph Fiennes]
Hey, it's Amon Göth on guitar! [N]
[A plane starts taxiing the runway.]
CACrow [as pilot]
Ah, Roger, tower, which way is the sky?
S6The Violent Years
[Over the opening title]
CCrow
Young man's fancy crinkle-cut potatoes.
[Judy is shoveling bacon into her mouth.]
JJudy
Mmmm . . . I just love bacon so crisp and crunchy like this.
Yeah, evidently.
AMrs. Adams
Honey, stop wolfing your food! No one's going to take it away from you.
JJudy
Sorry, sweetie, but it's really your fault. You shouldn't make them so good.
CACrow [as Judy]
Whatever happened to my pet Vietnamese potbellied pig?
[Judy primps in front of a mirror.]
CACrow [as Judy]
There. Now I look like Mom.
MAMike [as Judy]
Thank goodness for my electric dress!
[The phone rings as Judy and her mom serve lunch to the boys.]
CCrow
Hey, the electric phone!
[Judy talks about Alex on the phone with a girlfriend.]
JJudy
Did he arrive? Man, he's positively frantic!
SAServo [as Judy]
He runs around screaming!
. . .
JJudy
And when he looks at me, I get . . . you know, squishy!
CACrow [as the person on the phone]
Well, that's nice, ma'am. I'm just trying to sell my magazines.
[Mrs. Adams demonstrates the whirring electric dishwasher to Alex.]
AMrs. Adams
There. Nothing to it.
AND IT'S QUIET, TOO!
[Judy, pretending her mixer doesn't work, opens the kitchen door slightly to get Alex's attention from the next room.]
SAServo [as Judy]
[coughs] OH DEAR!
JJudy
Oh, me!
[laughing] Did I call that?
[Alex plugs in Judy's mixer.]
AAlex
There we are.
MAMike [as Alex]
God, you're dumb.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.