CACrow [as Narrator]
Had this been an actual date, you would have been instructed where to go.
Swamp Diamonds (movie)
S5Swamp Diamonds
[During one of the many, many girl fights.]
CCrow
Beverly Garland's bra! I have seen the Promised Land!
S5Secret Agent Super Dragon
[opening credits roll along shot of desktop with a phone, gun, & smoldering cigarette]
CCrow
[excited] Oh, wow! I bet this guy's so cool! He smokes, carries a gun, and... [deflating] makes a lot of... phone calls...
S5The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
[Sinbad addresses a crowd of people in the city and they yell in agreement with something he says.]
CACrow [as someone in the crowd]
Howard Johnson is right!
[Sinbad delivers another speech, but the editing makes it appear as though it has lasted for more than a day.]
It's noon and he's still filibustering!
[Sinbad makes prospective members of his crew drink a strong liquid to test their fortitude.]
CCrow
They're test-marketing Crystal Pepsi.
[Sinbad's ships approach an island whose residents wear giant horned helmets and cloaks.]
CCrow
They look like the Knights Who Say "Ni!"
It seems as if everybody who's anybody is here tonight.
CCrow
That's because they knew you'd be wearing that dress. Wow.
[laughing a little too hard] We were wondering... what would you do if Sinbad came to your town? [laughs again] Wouldn't you want the city council to do something about it? Let's watch.
That wasn't Sinbad.
WHO ARE YOU!?!?
Now I must warn you, the Sinbad in today's film is not quite the swarthy adventurer of yore, he resembles my Uncle Phil — A slim whiskery fellow who manages a tobacco store.
[juggling and wearing a clown headdress] Bonswa, dear friends. I, too, dreamed of the circus as an escape from my stifling home life. I still grow nostalgic at the smell of grease paint, and elephant hair, and... oh I do so long to punch a clown.
Hey, regarding the catfish we saw nuzzling Poseidon, isn't the catfish a freshwater creature? By the way, if you're looking for a great catfish bait, take a big gob of liver sausage and mix it all up with a couple of dozen of those big juicy nightcrawlers. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by the results.
S5Eegah
[Roxy walks up to her little car.]
CACrow [as Roxy]
Taxi! ...Oh, I drove.
. . .
Y'know, the nice thing about this car is she can fold it up and put it in her purse.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.