[The titles appear.]
CCrow
I need to know what not to do on a date! Hahaha!
[A person's name with 'Ph.D.' attached to it appears.]
What, she has a Ph.D. in dating?
Oh no, this is like having your mom talk to you about sex!
“Swamp Diamonds” · Season 5
In this episode: Joel Robinson (5), Crow T. Robot (4), Tom Servo (4), Narrator (1)
NNick
Uh, Kay… you wouldn't want to help get the scavenger sale ready at the community center… would you?
JAJoel [as Kay]
How many ways can I say "no"?!
KKay
Oh, I've been hearing about that. Yes, I'd like to very much.
CACrow [as Kay]
Is it okay if I bring my boyfriend Dave?
. . .
NNick
I sure didn't think she'd go to a place like that for a date.
JAJoel [as Nick]
… with a loser like me.
NNick
Where's my racket?
SAServo [as Nick]
I should spank myself.
[Kay steps behind Nick while holding a hammer]
Kay's worked on the kill floor - she knows where to deliver the blow.
How does Jeff get ideas like that?
SAServo [as Narrator]
From the voices inside his head.
[Nick notices piece of paper on bulletin board]
Wait a minute, maybe this is where Jeff gets his ideas!
The lunch menu?
[Nick loads sandwiches onto his plate at the food table.]
Uh, Nick, other people have to eat, too.
Ice cream? I love this party!
CACrow [as Narrator]
Had this been an actual date, you would have been instructed where to go.
Swamp Diamonds (movie)
[During one of the many, many girl fights.]
CCrow
Beverly Garland's bra! I have seen the Promised Land!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.