Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Leopold the fish monster attacks a swimming beauty in a bikini.]
Mike: He's a Cop-a-feel-acanth.
Mike: He's a Cop-a-feel-acanth.
[Letters to Santa arrive at the North Pole.]
Crow [as Santa]: Ho ho ho! There's a dollar in every one! My chain letter scam worked!
Crow [as Santa]: Ho ho ho! There's a dollar in every one! My chain letter scam worked!
[Liara tells Chapman that Rheton's different atmosphere caused him to shrink.]
Liara: You see, oxygen in your atmosphere would restore you immediately to your regular size.
Crow: So people are just balloons?
Liara: You see, oxygen in your atmosphere would restore you immediately to your regular size.
Crow: So people are just balloons?
[Linda begins stripping during the interview]
Linda: Shall I dance for you?
Crow: Yes! For God's sakes, yes!
Linda: Shall I dance for you?
Crow: Yes! For God's sakes, yes!
[Linda puts the found watch up against her ear.]
Mike [as Linda]: The rats put in a new crystal!
Linda: It still runs.
Servo [as John Cameron Swayze]: John Cameron Trade-Rat.
Mike [as Linda]: The rats put in a new crystal!
Linda: It still runs.
Servo [as John Cameron Swayze]: John Cameron Trade-Rat.
[Lisa arrives at the airstrip, wearing two kinds of plaid]
Servo: Two kinds of plaid? Boy, I'm a naked robot, Mike, and even I know that's a fashion no-no.
Servo: Two kinds of plaid? Boy, I'm a naked robot, Mike, and even I know that's a fashion no-no.
[Listening to song called "Everything I Touch Turns to Gold"]
Crow: What happens when you touch gold?
Crow: What happens when you touch gold?
[Little Falcon stares into Ilya's ring, seeing himself as a child with his mother.]
Little Falcon: It is as though in a vision... I see my mother!
[He turns to face Ilya]
Crow [as Little Falcon]: Mom!
Little Falcon: It is as though in a vision... I see my mother!
[He turns to face Ilya]
Crow [as Little Falcon]: Mom!
[Little Tommy examines his neatened room. He looks in his closet.]
Narrator: Yesterday, Tommy tore the sleeve of his favorite cowboy shirt...
Servo [as Narrator]: ...in a prison break.
Narrator: ...and now, it's mended as good as new.
Joel [as Narrator]: Tommy's the Lathe of Heaven.
The Unearthly (movie)
Narrator: Yesterday, Tommy tore the sleeve of his favorite cowboy shirt...
Servo [as Narrator]: ...in a prison break.
Narrator: ...and now, it's mended as good as new.
Joel [as Narrator]: Tommy's the Lathe of Heaven.
The Unearthly (movie)
[Lobo (Tor Johnson) scares away some people during a rainstorm, his mouth agape]
Crow: Tor! Close your mouth before you drown!
Crow: Tor! Close your mouth before you drown!
[Lobo enters the room full of Dr. Conway's guests.]
Lobo: Time for go to bed!
Joel: Well said.
Lobo: Time for go to bed!
Joel: Well said.
[Local yokel Jed Harper wanders through the misty, jungle-like woods at night.]
Servo: [singing to "Theme from 'The Beverly Hillbillies'"]
Servo: [singing to "Theme from 'The Beverly Hillbillies'"]
[Lombardi forces King the dog to back away simply by staring at him.]
Lombardi: There aren't many who can control an animal by hypnosis, are there, Doctor?
Erickson: No.
Lombardi: He did what I told him without a single word.
Mike: That's because he's a dog!
Lombardi: There aren't many who can control an animal by hypnosis, are there, Doctor?
Erickson: No.
Lombardi: He did what I told him without a single word.
Mike: That's because he's a dog!
[Lombardi hypnotizes Andrea back to her "Elizabeth" former life. Fellow hypnotist Erickson (played by Lance Fuller) questions her.]
Crow [as Erickson/Fuller]: My first question: will I get the part in This Island Earth?
Erickson: What year is it, Andrea?
Mike [as Elizabeth]: [singing] The year of the cat.
Andrea/Elizabeth: 1618, the Year of Our Lord.
Servo [as Elizabeth/Eliza Doolittle]: In 'artford, 'ereford, and 'ampshire.
Erickson: Who is the reigning monarch?
Andrea/Elizabeth: James Stuart.
Mike [as George Bailey]: Now, wait a second. You're crazy, and you're driving me crazy, too!
Crow [as Erickson/Fuller]: My first question: will I get the part in This Island Earth?
Erickson: What year is it, Andrea?
Mike [as Elizabeth]: [singing] The year of the cat.
Andrea/Elizabeth: 1618, the Year of Our Lord.
Servo [as Elizabeth/Eliza Doolittle]: In 'artford, 'ereford, and 'ampshire.
Erickson: Who is the reigning monarch?
Andrea/Elizabeth: James Stuart.
Mike [as George Bailey]: Now, wait a second. You're crazy, and you're driving me crazy, too!
[Lon Chaney, Jr. wanders around a warehouse-like room after being brought back from the dead.]
Joel: He's wandered into a Mr. Bulky's.
Crow [as Chaney]: Let's see now... licorice whips, jujubes, slowpokes, Lon Chaney Junior Mints...
Joel: He's wandered into a Mr. Bulky's.
Crow [as Chaney]: Let's see now... licorice whips, jujubes, slowpokes, Lon Chaney Junior Mints...