A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Played by Frank Conniff
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
In 9 of the 3,167 quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000
Most scenes with: Dr. Clayton Forrester (5)
[Dr. Forrester jams Frank's Thighmaster through his head as punishment for letting himself be goaded into yet again nearly freeing Joel and the bots]
FrankI may not have been born with a lobotomy, but now I can look like I was. [collapses onto the button to end the experiment]
[Frank and Dr. Forrester are doing laundry in Deep 13]
FrankI'll show you some real Creeping Terrors... these grass stains!
[Repeated Lines]
DEEEEEEEP HUUUURRRRTING! DEEEEEEEP HUUUURRRRTING!
[The Mads have just had a pizza delivered by Torgo.]
FrankSay, it's been two hours, but this pizza is still warm!
[Dr. Forrester and Frank suddenly look at each other in horror, and vomit.]
They always do that!
[After Joel has escaped and the Bots are panicking, cut to Deep 13 where Frank is staring slack-jawed at the camera, then ponders his keys which Mike had borrowed earlier.]
[walking in from off-screen in a bathrobe, toweling his hair] Ahh, nothin' like a good shower to make one feel new again. I feel great! Nothing can get in the way of my good mood! What's going on, Frank?
FrankOh, not much... inventory's under control...
Yeah?
FrankFloor needs mopping... Joel escaped from the Satellite of Love...
Well, I can see you've got the situation well in hand--WHAT?? Joel escaped from the Satellite of Love?
[Dr. F begins typing on the control panel.]
FrankWell, I'd better get started on that floor...
Frank! My towel and your hinder have an appointment, but first we've got to rescue Joel! Oh, no, nooo! Frank, he's landed safely in the Australian outback!
FrankWell, let's just hope he landed on Yahoo Serious.
Well, that's a good point, Frank, because--Frank! Can't you see we're ruined? What are we gonna do?
FrankYeah, well, we could send someone else into space.
Who are we gonna find at this late date to send into space?
[Mike walks in behind them with his time card.]
Can you guys sign my time card?
[Dr. Forrester and Frank begin laughing maniacally; Mike, confused, nervously joins in.]
Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Frank?
FrankYeah, you're not gonna sign his time card, are you?
C'mon, you gotta sign my time card!
Of course I'll sign your time card, young man! In fact, I think you're going to be working for me for a long, long time. Push the button, Frank!
[As Dr. F puts his arm around an uncomfortable Mike, Frank turns to look at the camera, puzzled, as he pushes the button and the screen fades to black.]
Say, Mike... what size jumpsuit do you wear?
Ehh...
[Frank arrives at the farm and sees Patrolman Hal]
Frank[Jokingly] I give up, officer! What's the charge?
Ha, ha! MANSLAUGHTER.
[playing as hard-boiled detective and attempting to interrogate Mike] Hello, Nelson. Say, y'know, I kinda like this movie. I'm intrigued by the whole interrogation idea. So siddown! I wanna ask you a few questions! If you are who you say you are. And I wanna know what you did and what happened. No hurry; we've got all the time in the world.
Frank[suddenly shouting] I did it! I did it! I did it!!
Did what, Frank?
FrankEverything! I shot J.R! I killed that fat barkeep! I ate all the Frusen Glädjé! And y'know what? I'm glad I did it! Glad, I tell ya! Glad!! [maniacal laughter]
[During the beginning credits, two men are fighting.]
FrankYou lost the last of the wild horses, you dink!
. . .
[The credits identify Albert Glasser as the film's score composer.]
Ah, Albert Glasser, the man who straps you down and pummels you with music!
[Frank owes a hefty sum of money to the mob, and is about to convince Dr. Forrester to go out and face them in his stead]
FrankClay, there's a, uh- Joey "Skinny Legs" Tagliano here to see you.
Huh? Joey "Skinny Legs" Tagliano? Did I go to high school with him? I bet that's what it is; I went to high school with him. [steps into the hallway] Joe? Hello?
[Forrester gets pulled aside and in silhouette is being beaten up by the mob, while Frank grimaces]
FrankGee, I- I feel kinda bad about this. I must admit I feel partly responsible, sorta.
Tom ServoKevin Murphy · 1,542 quotes
Mike NelsonMichael J. Nelson · 824 quotes
Joel RobinsonJoel Hodgson · 542 quotes
NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.