Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Krankor's henchmen blaze away at Prince of Space, who ducks out of the way despite having repeatedly claimed he's immune to their weapons.]
Servo [as Prince of Space]: Your guns are useless, but scare the crap outta me anyway.
. . .
[The Prince of Space leaps and bounds daintily out of the way of the weapon fire.]
Crow [as Prince of Space]: I have no powers, but I can skip reasonably well!
Servo [as Prince of Space]: Your guns are useless, but scare the crap outta me anyway.
. . .
[The Prince of Space leaps and bounds daintily out of the way of the weapon fire.]
Crow [as Prince of Space]: I have no powers, but I can skip reasonably well!
[Krasker is deep into a seance using a razor blade inside a wine glass.]
Woman: I can't hear it clearly--
Servo: That's because it's A RAZOR BLADE IN A GLASS!!!
Woman: I can't hear it clearly--
Servo: That's because it's A RAZOR BLADE IN A GLASS!!!
[Krasker lights up a cigar before the seance.]
Crow [as Krasker/Bill Cosby]: And m' wife...came downstairs...her face...was split! Hah hah hah...razzim frazzim...
Crow [as Krasker/Bill Cosby]: And m' wife...came downstairs...her face...was split! Hah hah hah...razzim frazzim...
[Kyle's big-haired, leopard-and-lamé-clad floozy date pushes his car toward a cliff.]
Crow: That is not a woman! That's David Lee Roth!
. . .
[Later in that scene, the car begins to roll off the cliff after Kevin's friend gets out.]
Servo: The car will do anything to get out of this movie!
[The car rolls down the cliff and explodes.]
Crow: In an unforeseen tragedy, the two actors were not in the car at the time of the crash!
[Kevin and his friend watch the "flames" from the explosion.]
Mike [as Kevin]: Look at that guy wave the gel in front of the light!
Crow: That is not a woman! That's David Lee Roth!
. . .
[Later in that scene, the car begins to roll off the cliff after Kevin's friend gets out.]
Servo: The car will do anything to get out of this movie!
[The car rolls down the cliff and explodes.]
Crow: In an unforeseen tragedy, the two actors were not in the car at the time of the crash!
[Kevin and his friend watch the "flames" from the explosion.]
Mike [as Kevin]: Look at that guy wave the gel in front of the light!
[L is represented by stock footage of a parade. A large ice cream cone is seen]
Joel: Elvis has ordered an ice cream cone.
. . .
[Later, a balloon of an overweight man is shown.]
Joel: And there's Elvis now.
. . .
[The same stock footage of the parade, this time featuring nursery rhyme-themed, floats is shown to represent N.]
Servo: [before the narrator can talk] N is for float... huh?
Joel: Elvis has ordered an ice cream cone.
. . .
[Later, a balloon of an overweight man is shown.]
Joel: And there's Elvis now.
. . .
[The same stock footage of the parade, this time featuring nursery rhyme-themed, floats is shown to represent N.]
Servo: [before the narrator can talk] N is for float... huh?
[Last week's cliffhanger is resolved by Cody simply diving away from a ray blast.]
Servo: Oh, if they'd only shown him diving out of the way, I wouldn't have spent the week worrying about him.
Mad Monster (movie)
Servo: Oh, if they'd only shown him diving out of the way, I wouldn't have spent the week worrying about him.
Mad Monster (movie)
[Late at night, Paul leans against his pet lizard's cage, which is as tall as he is.]
Mike: He sure gave that lizard a lot of headroom!
Crow: Maybe he has a trampoline in there.
. . .
[Paul gazes at the lizard, who stares stonily back.]
Mike [as Lizard]: Well... now I can't get back to sleep, either. What do you wanna do?
Mike: He sure gave that lizard a lot of headroom!
Crow: Maybe he has a trampoline in there.
. . .
[Paul gazes at the lizard, who stares stonily back.]
Mike [as Lizard]: Well... now I can't get back to sleep, either. What do you wanna do?
[Later, Gordon gives Linda a charm he found near the watch.]
Gordon: Here, I polished this for you. We found it in the trade rat's nest.
Mike [as Gordon]: He had a little tool and die shop down there.
Servo [as Gordon]: I think I got most of the rat droppings off it.
Gordon: Here, I polished this for you. We found it in the trade rat's nest.
Mike [as Gordon]: He had a little tool and die shop down there.
Servo [as Gordon]: I think I got most of the rat droppings off it.
[Later, in Max's van, Carrie drones on and on while Max listens wearily.]
Joel: You know you're boring when you're boring a Van Patten.
Season 4
Joel: You know you're boring when you're boring a Van Patten.
Season 4
[Lawyer Neil proposes to Teri, who's wearing a silvery dress.]
Neil: Teri... would you marry me?
[Teri pulls away.]
Mike [as Neil]: Uh... uh... I withdraw the question.
Teri: Oh, Neil -- I can't.
Servo [as Teri]: Starfleet forbids it.
Neil: Teri... would you marry me?
[Teri pulls away.]
Mike [as Neil]: Uh... uh... I withdraw the question.
Teri: Oh, Neil -- I can't.
Servo [as Teri]: Starfleet forbids it.
[Lea narrowly dodges Kalgan and Ryder's incoming Enforcers]
Servo: Toro! Toro! These cars are made by Toro!
Servo: Toro! Toro! These cars are made by Toro!
[Lea, wearing a space-age leotard, runs toward the burning shuttlecraft]
Crow [as Lea]: My Buns of Steel videos are in there!
Crow [as Lea]: My Buns of Steel videos are in there!
[Leaving the party, first victim Frank walks home through the woods.]
Mike [as Frank]: [muttering] "I'm okay. I don't need a ride." What was I thinking? It's like 47 miles!
Crow [as Frank]: I'm probably pretty tasty and well-marbled--not something I've often thought of.
. . .
Servo: I was a Teenage Werewolf Snack.
Mike [as Frank]: [muttering] "I'm okay. I don't need a ride." What was I thinking? It's like 47 miles!
Crow [as Frank]: I'm probably pretty tasty and well-marbled--not something I've often thought of.
. . .
Servo: I was a Teenage Werewolf Snack.
[Lemminkäinen and Ilmarinen demand the release of Ilmarinen's sister from the witch Louhi, as reward for plowing the witch's field. The witch is hesitant to comply, and demands more.]
Louhi, the witch: Forge a Sampo! Or you'll never see the face of your pretty sister again.
Crow: Can we see the other parts?
Servo: Crimeny, better look up what a Sampo is quick, I think she's serious!
Louhi, the witch: Forge a Sampo! Or you'll never see the face of your pretty sister again.
Crow: Can we see the other parts?
Servo: Crimeny, better look up what a Sampo is quick, I think she's serious!
[Lemminkäinen navigates down a river while paddling atop a log.]
Servo [as Lemminkäinen]: [singing with Norwegian accent] If everybody had a spruce tree, across Finlandia...
Crow [as Lemminkäinen]: [singing with Norwegian accent] I vish they all could be Norvegian girls...
Servo [as Lemminkäinen]: [singing with Norwegian accent] If everybody had a spruce tree, across Finlandia...
Crow [as Lemminkäinen]: [singing with Norwegian accent] I vish they all could be Norvegian girls...