[Bobby knocks on the window of their car, talking to Jim]
BBobby
Hey, what's the matter?
MAMike [as Jim]
This Kansas song just makes me so sad!
S6Zombie Nightmare
JJim
What are you looking at? Eat your ice cream!
[Zombie Tony stumbles towards a college-like athletic building]
CACrow [as Tony]
Must... register... for... semester!
. . .
[The soundtrack is peppered with sporadic metallic clanging noises.]
Damn radiator!
CCrow
Soundtrack by John Cage.
[Zombie Tony looks up to a bright light]
The dead Zone is for loading and unloading only...
[When Adam West first appears on screen, sitting behind a desk, smoking a cigar]
SAServo [as Batman TV announcer]
What's this?
[Police Captain Churchman (Adam West) walks over to a reluctant punk murder suspect being restrained by workers and kicks him in the face.]
CCrow
Oh that was easy for him, he just pretended it was Tim Burton.
DSDet. Sorrell
[on the issue of Bobby's murder] The kid was impaled with a baseball bat; I don't know how this James Earl guy could do it!
CCCapt. Churchman
Maybe James Earl has a great batting average.
But it's the R.B.Is that count, isn't it?
[Zombie Tony is returning to the cemetery after a night of killing]
CCrow
Y'know, ironically, they were only able to bust the zombie for tax evasion! [chuckles]
[As a car backs up, turns around and drives away]
Hal Needham was brought in to direct this scene.
[The car drives off the screen.]
And that's it.
I used to like you when you were a Caped Crusader, even better than Darth Vader. But then you were the best, but now you are like all the rest. That's all, so see you later.
[When Adam West first appears on screen, sitting behind a desk, smoking a cigar]
SAServo [as Batman TV announcer]
What's this?
S6Colossus and the Headhunters
[Our hero Maciste (AKA Colossus) returns to find pandemonium: people are running in every direction, large stones falling around, and a volcano erupting.]
SAServo [as Maciste]
I leave you alone for one hour--!
AAriel
What is your name?
MMaciste
Maciste, and yours?
CCrow
[holding back laughter] Cheesesteak?
[The camera pans very slowly down Maciste's body as he steers the raft]
CCrow
Hmm... the camera operator is indulging himself here...
[After many days on a raft, Maciste pulls the sail aside to see land nearby.]
CCrow
Oh, it was behind the sail the whole time!
MMaciste
Land! Land!
SAServo [as Maciste]
It would be really great if we found some land!
MAMike [as Maciste]
It's... the wrong land, never mind, sorry.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.