[Lord Vultare has an audience with the Mannerjay while slaves fan her.]
Servo [as Slave]: Do you want me to oscillate, Ma'am?
. . .
Lord Vultare: We've rounded up a number of suspects.
Crow [as Vultare]: ��including Kevin Spacey.
Lord Vultare: I'm certain some of them are spies for the Order.
Mannerjay: What of the map?
Lord Vultare: No word. It seems��
Pearl [as Vultare]: ��chilly in here. Could you turn down your guy?

[Lounging with friend Harold, Jerry rejects the idea of work.]
Jerry: The world's�� here to be enjoyed, not to make you depressed. That's what work does, Harold--it makes you feel... depressed.
Mike: Goofus and Gallant, the movie.

[Lt. Lyons pulls up to the curb at his new base, his blonde wife in the convertible's passenger seat.]
Crow [as Lyons]: Alright, Dave�� why don't ya get outta the wig, and into your uniform?
Servo [as Lyons]: Honey, just wait in the car until my tour of duty is done.

[Lt. White, from the rescue ship, has found Chapman lying on the ground in his spacesuit.]
White: Chapman! Chapman!
Servo [as White]: You got any gum?
White: Where's Makonnen?
Chapman: He's dead. Gone.
Mike [as Chapman]: He kept yapping about beauty, so I shot him out the airlock.

[Lucinda has just murdered a police officer with a hay hook, while Melissa tries to comfort her.]
Servo [as Lucinda]: I meant to ask him in for pie; I don't know what happened!

[Maciste has been shot in the chest with an arrow, but he pulls it out effortlessly and gets to his feet.]
Crow: [snickering] Luckily, this was before death had been invented.

[Mad narrator Dr. Leopold discusses how the walking catfish moves.]
Narrator: Forward progress is made with a snake-like slither and a vigorous thrashing of the tail.
Crow [as Narrator]: ...like Courtney Love.

[Mad scientist Dr. Davis, armed with a gun, confronts WOI head Dr. West.]
Dr. Davis: Anyone who has the chance to tap the enormous reserves of the sea�� will have the future, Doctor.
Dr. West: In his hands.
Dr. Davis: Exactly.
Crow [as Davis]: Yeah, thanks for helping me out there.

[Major Stevens briefs the colonel on newcomer Witkowski's natural flying talent.]
Col. Hunt: Do you know, flying a plane is like making love?
Crow [as Maj. Stevens]: Uh, you have to pay?

[Mama Sanders and Geri get into an argument over Geri's "gentleman caller."]
Mama: Alright, alright, I'll stop butting in.
Mike [as Geri]: Mom, you don't even have a butt.
Mama: I just don't want you to be too disappointed if he doesn't come.
Crow [as Geri]: Mother! That's private.

[Man-bat Beck closes the barn door and stumbles around in the dark.]
Crow: Leave the door closed? What, were you born in a house?

[Mark English (played by William Sylvester) is sleeping]
Servo: You know, Kubrick saw this scene and said "We found our Heywood Floyd!"

[Mark English makes a phone call, slowly dialing a rotary phone]
Servo: So, how many hours have rotary phones added to movies over the years?

[Marriage counselor Mr. Hall uses two wooden dolls and a large rubber band to discuss the strain of relationships with teenagers Larry and Sue.]
Hall: When you two first met, there was probably an early physical reaction...
Servo [as Larry]: Oh yeah!
Hall: ...A romantic attraction that pulled you together, a love appeal that hits you sort of...boing!
Mike [as Larry]: You saw my boing?
Larry: How did you know?
Hall: Well, it happened to me. It happens to some degree to most couples who become happily married. But it takes more than just "boing".
Crow [as Hall]: Sometimes there's a "shplurt"!
Hall: For you see, if you're too far apart psychologically��
Mike [as Hall]: ��if one of you is cuckoo��
[Hall gestures to the distance between the dolls, then stretches out the rubber band again��]
Hall: ��if your backgrounds are not similar enough, it can cause a great deal of argument and unhappiness, until��
[��and suddenly snaps the rubber band, which flies off.]
Larry: It's gone!
Sue: Where'd it go?!
Crow [as Larry]: We're gonna die!
Hall: That's what you'll be saying about your romantic love, if these other things cause a breakup.
Servo [as Larry]: BUT WHERE'S THE RUBBER BAND?!

[Marta shows her rat in a cage for her science experiment at the diner]
Owner: No rats.
Joel [as Owner]: Unless they're on the menu.