SSServo [singing]
It's a wonderful world when you're married, when you have a family...
Viking Women and the Sea Serpent
[As the short ends, it's just after the girls graduated.]
Jean and Louise were leaving for their jobs in the city, so you all drove down to the train station to see them all.
And to re-enact the last scene from Anna Karenina.
Viking Women and the Sea Serpent (movie)
Crash of the Moons
[In his car, Dr. Phil Brewer tries to talk Cynthia out of marrying her fiancé.]
PPhil
And you choose to make a life with Ken?
CCynthia
Yes! He loves me, I know he does, and… and we can have a good life together! Anyway, we… have as good as chance as most married people.
JAJoel [as Cynthia]
Sure, Ken's not anatomically correct, but…
Crash of the Moons (movie)
[Rocky Jones and Winky march in Cleolanta's men at gunpoint to meet with her.]
[cadence-calling] Hut, 2, 3, 4!
SAServo [as Rocky]
We are in a crappy film…
JCJoel, Crow [as Men]
We are in a crappy film…
[Rocky tells Cleolanta about the United Worlds' plan to save her people.]
They'll help you with your evacuation to a new world, which will be mutually agreed upon.
CCleolanta
They will tell me where to take my people?!
No, Cleolanta. They'll only advise.
JSJoel, Servo
[singing] For yooooou!
Attack of the Eye Creatures
[Upon seeing the mispelling in the film's title]
Attack of the the Eye Creatures? What, did Mel Tillis write these titles?
[an Air Force Officer is dismissing a subordinate]
AFAir Force Officer
Now take off!
...to the great White North!
HSHarold's Girlfriend
Ooh, Harold!
SAServo [as Harold]
Ooh, Maude!
SSusan
What if we turned ourselves in to the police?
SAServo [as Stan]
Then we'd be policemen and could drop the charges!
[During one of the many, many scenes where the fearsome Eye Creatures stumbles around.]
CCrow
[singing] I've got Sammy Davis eyes! [a la Rip Taylor] I've got a million of them! Literally!
[While trying to take a picture of a severed Eye Creature arm, the flashbulb causes it to evaporate]
Now why doesn't that work with relatives?
[Joel and the Bots review the production goofs of the movie.]
CCrow
The eye creatures. Scabbing, inflexible, lethargic, mucus-expelling creatures having no spoken language and no particular powers with which to conquer. They were also unfortunate enough to have evolved with heavy-duty zippers running up their backs.
. . .
Some eye creatures are born with scaly protective covering. Others are born with hundreds of eyes protuding from fleshy knobs. Still others, like this whisper-thin fellow, are born with tight acrylic wool-blend turtleneck sweaters from Chess King.
. . .
CCrow
If you're ever in a fight with an eye creature, keep in mind that his head is simply draped casually over his shoulders and should be no trouble to knock off! [...] Get ready to give chase to an injured eye creature; as you can see, he's wearing his Jack Purcell athletic shoes! Folks, they just did not care!
...
They did too care! In fact, we've got director Larry Buchanan here with us, don't we, Frank?
TSTV's Frank
Yeah, Larry, come here. Larry, tell them. Tell these people. Tell them how you took your dream -- your vision! -- and through blood, sweat, and effort, you owned that dream and turned it into a reality through years -- well, days -- of hard work, determination, and struggle! You took that cherished dream that you had, and you... (trails off looking at "Larry's" dull, lifeless expression.) You don't really care, do you?
?"Larry Buchanan"
(Smirks, makes gesture of approval towards Frank.)
Invasion USA
The Woody Allen story!
Hey, I like my family, as a friend!
[Reading a list of names in the credits]
CCrow
All of who are orphans.
[Brother looks inside a pot]
What's the matter?
SAServo [as Brother]
THERE'S A RABBIT IN THERE!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.