It's Brooke Shields, the Creature from the Blue Lagoon!
Legend of the Dinosaur
RReporter
Everyone is asking the same question...
Why am I watching this?
[Towards the end of the movie, the titular dinosaurs finally appear and go on a confusing sort-of-a-rampage.]
It made more sense before there were any dinosaurs. I'm starting to miss that part of the movie.
Viking Women and the Sea Serpent
[An opening card states "This is an Iowa State College Production."]
Iowa State College: The high school after high school!
SSServo [singing]
If I could join the FFA, my life would be complete, I'd till the soil, I'd bale some hay...
[High school girls attend an assembly. Someone, possibly the principal introduces the speaker in silence.]
JAJoel [as Principal]
Your Period and Mine: A Lecture.
CACrow [as Principal]
Hello. Am I on? Is this thing on? You wanna look at that, Helen?
[A matronly woman steps up to the podium on stage.]
MWMatronly Woman
Today, I'd like to tell you about several girls I know very well.
SAServo [as Matronly Woman]
...and why I'm being fired.
[Kay is discussing college with her family.]
She consulted Robert McNamara.
And Ayn Rand!
[As Kay sends her application letter.]
She got a real thrill out of dropping that letter in the box.
CCrow
(chuckles maniacly)
Be cool! Be cool! Come on! Be cool! Just... Oh, that's good! Now let's get out of here.
[In the next scene, Kay gets her acceptance letter.]
SAServo [as Kay]
It's here already! Oh, shoot! I mailed it to myself!
It's from Ed McMahon! It says I may already be a winner!
[Kay meets her roommate Jean for the first time.]
CACrow [as Jean]
[in a Curly Howard voice] Hi! Howya doin'? We're gonna have a great time! We're gonna be pals!
[At a costume design class]
CCrow
Is that a real poncho or a Sears poncho?
[A football game is starting.]
Hey, look! It's the Woodstock of the 50s! Vic Damone's on next.
JAJoel [as audience member]
Play "Whipping Post"!
[A band leader with a fuzzy hat is marching forward.]
CCrow
[in marching cadence] I'm a Q-tip, what are you!
[During the game, two cheerleaders gesture downward with with pom-poms.]
JCJoel, Crow, Servo [as Cheerleaders]
Look, look, look at my crotch. Look, look look at my crotch. Loooook at my crotch. Yay!
[Kay and her college roommates are having their usual gab session. Nearby, a lamp with Kay's name on the lampshade is seen.]
Hats off to Ray, the whimsical lampshade.
...but then Kay came up with that all-important question.
JAJoel [as Kay]
How do Pop-Tarts work?
KKay
What are you doing to major in, Helen?
. . .
LLouise
What are you going to take, Jean?
JAJoel [as Jean]
I'm going to take Bob for everything he's got!
. . .
KKay
You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to teach.
JAJoel [as Kay]
Because I can't do.
[One of the four young women plays with little kids, in preparation for motherhood]
JAJoel [as little girl]
...WHAT? We have to be subjugated to men?!
[Near the end of the piece, shot of a building named "Home Economics".]
Joel [as announcer] Home Economics, starring Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.
VOVoice Over
What is "Home Economics"?
CCrow
Boy, you'd think they would have told us by now...
[As the girls, now seniors, walk along.]
Hey, it's Abbey Road.
JCJoel, Crow, Servo [singing]
Here we come, walking down the street...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.