Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes

We've secretly switched their Folgers coffee...

The women of this family seem to feel that they owe it to the men of the family to look relaxed, rested, and attractive at dinnertime.

So they're unsuspecting when they kill them.

Hi, Mom, I'm pregnant.

Brother notices the time, and realizes that he must put things in order, and clean himself up in time for dinner.

He's got to strip and replace the oil in his hair with summer-weight.

Now, Mother and Daughter put the finishing touches on the dinner.

With strychnine!

Salad needs more butter, Mother!

...he will relax at dinner with those he loves.

But not these people.

What you are watching should have been edited in the final version. My apologies.

They speak with their dad as though they are genuinely glad to see him.

They're not, of course...

Father, I had a feeling today.

Well don't, son.

Hi, I'm Betty, and I'l be your wife tonight.

Brother seats Junior...

Daughter obsesses with the flowers.

...then helps Mother to her chair, as he would his best girl.

The less said about this, the better.

Junior seats Dad, and Sister seats the dog, and the dog...

Dad, I'm dating a Negro!

Many families throughout the country observe the custom of saying Grace at mealtime.

Please, God, take me now...

Servo

[in a British accent] Field Marshall Montgomery sits down to eat. Yes, it's smashing, it's a good day...

They converse pleasantly while Dad serves.

No, I-- I'll just have Saltines.

I said "pleasantly", for that is the keynote at dinnertime. It is not only good manners, but good sense.

Emotions are for ethnic people.

Pleasant, unemotional conversation helps digestion.

I can't stress "unemotional" enough.

Father serves Mother first, then Daughter.

Let's go to the flowchart for this.

And be sure to make a plate for the narrator.