Let's call this monster Axl Rose, because he's got an appetite for destruction.
S13Gamera vs. Jiger
[as the Gamera theme plays]
SCServo, Crow, and Jonah
[singing] Gamera flies like a plane! He likes pleasure mixed with pain! Never kink shame Gamera!
[as Gamera is wounded and beaten by Jiger, and Gamera slowly retreats]
CACrow [as Gamera]
[singing] It's not just my arm that is bleeding / It's part of my neck meat as well / But it's mainly my ego that's bleeding / Why must I come out of my shell?
JAJonah [as Gamera]
[singing] Sure, everyone knows me as Gamera / The turtle the kids all adore / But if I get stabbed by a Jiger / Will they even like me anymore?
SAServo [as Gamera]
[singing] For the love of the children is fickle / You have it, then it disappears / They'll love you, and leave you tomorrow / As soon as the city smoke disappears.
CACrow [as Gamera]
[singing] You'd say Gamera, sure he's got everything / The power, flight, looks, and fame / Then into town swims Kaiju come lately / They don't even remember my name.
JAJonah [as Gamera]
[singing] Gamera's the friend of all children / Of that, the whole world can agree / Oh Gamera's friends with the children / But who gives their friendship to me?
SAServo [as Gamera]
[singing] Sure, I've been singing a long time / I'm a ham with a long way to go / Because after all, I'm a turtle / And turtles do everything slow.
SCServo, Crow, and Jonah
[singing] And turtles do everything slooow...
[as Hiroshi and Tommy navigate the miniature submarine through Gamera's lungs]
This is the most stressful game of Operation ever played.
[as Hiroshi and Tommy venture out into Gamera's lung]
[singing] Come with me, and you'll see, a world of turtle respiration! Steal your dad's submarine, and attempt resuscitation.
Tommy, I think this is it over here. Dr. Matsui, there's a small hole in his side.
MDr. Matsui
A hole? Be very careful.
Watch out for snakes.
[as the Gamera theme plays and Gamera flies off with Jiger's dead body]
SCServo, Crow, and Jonah
[singing] Gamera take the body home! Gonna eat the flesh from bone! Keto diet Gamera!
CCrow
Oh weird, they're being trailed by cans and a banner that says "Just married".
SCServo, Crow, and Jonah
[singing] Gamera's a movie that has no end in sight! No going home! This is now your life!
S13The Batwoman
[as the Batwoman rides a horse through a Mexican village to a jazz melody]
Wow, Gotham got hit hard by the recession.
CCrow
Spaghetti westerns only wish they were Sultry Jazz Westerns.
[as reporters crowd Batwoman]
Batwoman, when will you release your tax returns?
Batwoman, what's your position on pants?
CCrow
Is it true the Snyder Cut of Batwoman has 25% more spearfishing?
EWDr. Eric Williams
You're about to witness the discovery of the century!
SAServo [as Williams]
Stock footage!
From the depths of the ocean, over 400 million years ago, surfaced the beginnings of the human race!
Is this a Scientology pitch?
And it all began with the first vertebrate, the fish! Starting from that point, we will make the regress into the dawn of evolution.
CCrow
Oh, edibles are hitting.
And we will create a new being with the likeness of our ancestors: a human amphibious hybrid! [laughs maniacally]
Oh, now I hate when comedians laugh at their own jokes.
CCrow
Well, Danny Elfman lost his job to an alarm clock.
HHenchman
[bringing Batwoman to Dr. Williams] Boss, look who we found! Get in here!
[Batwoman begins to fight the henchmen]
CCrow
Pow!
Biff!
[Dr. Williams grabs a scalpel and moves for Batwoman]
Grab!
CCrow
Lunge!
[Batwoman grabs a beaker of acid and throws it in Dr. Williams' face]
Acid!
Batwoman, the movie that dares to say, "We rented an underwater camera, and we're going to get every last peso out of it!"
[during a car chase scene involving henchmen and Batwoman]
[singing to the chase music] Baaatwoman swerves. Baaatwoman drives. With Baaatwoman nerve, Baaatwoman jives!
See, this is why you've got to have a dashcam.
[Batwoman honks her horn at the henchmen]
CCrow
Ah, yeah. Honk your horn. That'll show 'em.
[as Batwoman swims through a school of fish]
I'm pretty sure she was in the Aquabats.
Well, she's in Phish now.
CCrow
Clearly.
[Batwoman is chased into an underwater patch of kelp]
Kelp! I need somebody...
Please no. Please no.
I get by with a little kelp from my friends...
CCrow
No no no, you really shouldn't.
Sorry. I can't kelp myself.
CECrow and Emily
Uuugh!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.