Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 9
“The Projected Man” · Season 9
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (6), Tom Servo (4), Mike Nelson (4), Dr. Mitchell (2), Pearl Forrester (1), Observer (1)
[Pearl complains to Brain Guy about the mysterious whispering in the castle.]
Well, it's not me, Pearl! I'm sensing the presence of several disembodied souls… [increasingly melodramatically] wandering these dark halls in search of surcease, an end to their endless night… a howl of quiet desperation… towards an indifferent universe. Nepenthe! Nepenthe!
You are so gay.
I could be wrong.
[Steiner turns on the projecting machine, making numerous high-pitched sci-fi noises]
What's he doing?
Oh, he's just doing his patented incredibly-annoying sound effect routine!
[Dr. Hill narrowly avoids colliding with a car outside a laboratory]
You better watch where you're going!
Pretty you may be!
[A security guard approaches the woman's car and murmurs something]
Uh, he said "Pretty you may be!", ma'am. I'm not sure what he meant!
. . .
[Dr. Hill drives away]
Uh... driving she may be!
[Dr. Hill is parking her car]
Ah parking! What a great way to establish character and create tension!
[The car's engine makes odd noises]
An exhaust system she may need!
[British scientists Steiner and Mitchell are about to project Dr. Hill's dematerialized watch. All three are dressed in white lab coats and wearing space-age protective goggles.]
Laser Preheat!
Laser Pre-Heat… in!
Grease and flour cake pans!
Laser Emission Relay.
Laser Emission Relay… on!
Bottom falling out of… plot! Movie… sucks!
Are we not blokes?
Relay One.
Relay One… in!
Really dumb scene… end!
[Virtually identical re-creation of projection scene.]
Yes! It's the same thing you've seen before! Only it's...happening again!
[A thief goes looking for his accomplice Gloria.]
Gloria?
G-L-O-R-I-A?
Gloria!
In excelsis Deo!
Gloria!
I hear they got your number.
[Police are investigating Latham's murder.]
Can I get on?
Servo: [as Dr. Mitchel] Well, he's dead, but knock yourself out.
[The movie ends with Paul destroying the laboratory, and eventually himself with the projection laser]
Well, this is kind of an ambiguous ending. Is this film horrible or did it merely suck?
Yeah! Now that I have seen it, do I want to kick a dog or a cat?
Do I want the director just killed or should he be tortured first?
Crow!
. . .
[The last shot of the movie shows the screen covered in flames.]
Ah, so the movie and all the actors in it roast in Hell!!
[Mike and the 'bots cheer loudly]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
