[Billy gleefully blasts away at shrubs and sand with said cannon.]
MAMike [as Billy]
Yeah... I think you are gonna detail my van for seventy-five dollars!
Played by Michael J. Nelson
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 824 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (393), Crow T. Robot (376), Narrator (63)
Lines by Mike Nelson 207
[Universal International credit appears on screen]
MikeIsn't the fact that it's Universal make it International?
[Meacham pushes a microphone-like Geiger counter probe toward the interocitor wreckage.]
MAMike [as Meacham]
Now that you've exploded, any words for our listeners?
MikeSo, they're going to escape under the cover of afternoon in the biggest car in the county?
[A pan shot reveals a stop motion alien emerging from a spacecraft.]
MikeOh great, E.T. calls, we come, and he's not here.
MikeI'd like to be the Chicken of Tomorrow, but how can I be more of the Man of Today?
[During one of the many "African" scenes.]
MikeSadly, this tribe of extras no longer exists.
MikeThis is like a murderous episode of Lucy.
[John Agar and his team descending into the cavern of the Mole People]
MikeThis movie is just ropes and asses.
[The opening credits scroll out of a huge crater]
MikeMt. Pinatubo erupted yesterday, spewing movie credits all over the Southern Hemisphere.
[A museum guard salutes Dr. Jackson]
MikeUh, you don't need to salute the paleontologist.
[The black and white Universal logo appears]
MikeIn weather today, the oceans turned black!
[The movie opens with a flamboyant Satan speaking to the viewers.]
MikeSatan, the Prince of Cabaret.
. . .
MikeThis guy was never in heaven, he was cast out of community theater!
[Quintus sets upon and subdues an unprepared knight.]
MAMike [as Knight]
[in stilted "medieval" grammar that parodies the knight's own dialogue] Me help! Attacked I am being! Hitting me stop you must! God dear! Bleeding am I! Break my leg think I did you!
MikeI've never known more about what isn't going on in a movie.
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