Mike Nelson quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

[Deathstalker has a very 80's style haircut]

Mike

Well, they missed on haircuts by roughly twelve hundred years.

[Deathstalker approaches a horse and throws a shaggy blue-gray object over its back.]

Mike

Oh no, he made a saddle out of Grover!

[Deathstalker sneaks around Troxartis' castle, encountering few obstacles along the way.]

Mike

This movie is like playing Doom when there's no monsters or opponents.

[Deathstalker randomly appears outside the tower window to confront Troxartis.]

Mike

What the-- Uh? Th-- Oh... [as Troxartis] You clever bastard. So the editor's working with you!

[A man gives Deathstalker a sympathetic look after Marinda has died]

[Deathstalker leaves the kingdom, and everyone is cheering.]

[As Mike and the Bots enter the theater, the logo for American International Pictures (a circle with shapes inside that are supposed to represent the letters "a" and "i" together) appears.]

Mike

[chuckling] "Round Guy With Surfboard" International.

[Over the movie's title screen]

Mike

The George Hamilton Story.

[General Perry is helping himself to the Nelsons' leftovers in their kitchen.]

Mike

This man is a brilliant tactician.

[The movie keeps cutting back to Judy asleep in her bed.]

Mike

Couldn't they just put "ibid." up on the screen?

[A mine goes off underneath two of President Clark's bodyguards]

[As the film ends, a crane shot shows dozens of bodies sprawled around burning ruins.]

Mike

Cleanup in Borough Five!

[After a scene with the aliens, followed by an unrelated scene with Billy's mother leaving for Acapulco, the film fades to another seemingly unrelated shot of a van driving along the road.]

Mike

Well, now on to movie three!