[Nurse Sally listens as Old Malla explains to endocrinologist Paul Talbot how she's lived past 140.]
MMalla
When we are alone, I will speak.
CACrow [as Dr. Talbot]
Well, we kinda are alone. Nursie isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.
“The Leech Woman” · Season 8
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (6), Mike Nelson (6), Tom Servo (4)
[The jungle explorers trudge through stage sets of Africa, interspersed with stock footage of jungle animals.]
CACrow [as Guide]
Well, we'd better camp here tonight. The next stock footage is 18 miles away.
[A stock-footage lion approaches the party, who raise their guns in fear.]
CACrow [as Lion]
Um... hakuna matata?
. . .
[The party finds a small, empty shipping crate in a clearing.]
I see -- it's a three room Japanese apartment.
[Lawyer Neil proposes to Teri, who's wearing a silvery dress.]
NNeil
Teri... would you marry me?
[Teri pulls away.]
MAMike [as Neil]
Uh... uh... I withdraw the question.
TTeri
Oh, Neil -- I can't.
SAServo [as Teri]
Starfleet forbids it.
[During one of the many "African" scenes.]
Sadly, this tribe of extras no longer exists.
[A hard-boiled detective lazily investigates the house.]
CCrow
This guy's gonna die of nonchalance.
This is like a murderous episode of Lucy.
[Regarding the splotchy pattern behind the movie's opening titles]:
CCrow
It's a Rorschach test.
I see a lot of spilled ink congealing in random patterns.
That means you're a sexual predator.
NFNeil Foster
Mrs. Talbot, I know this is painful, but it's one of those things that have to be done when you plan a divorce.
MAMike [as Neil]
You have to be married.
[after Teri shuts Neil out of her room suddenly, and Sally enters the house]
CACrow [as Neil]
I realize now what a horrible lie our engagement has been. I frankly feel very disgusted by the thought of- oh hi honey.
SSally
I don't think an explanation will help. Do you wanna try?
SAServo [as Neil]
Nah, let's go get a burger.
NNeil
No I- I don't.
MAMike [as Neil]
I left you some gum in the car...
NNeil
I had a drink with Teri and took her bags upstairs.
SAServo [as Neil]
There was a bushman in the luggage and he attacked.
NNeil
[defensive] Look, her aunt's an important client and good friend! I- I couldn't just run out! Now don't start imagining things... [Sally walks away]
CACrow [as Neil]
This is the fifties, why am I explaining things to a woman? Get in the car!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.