Mike Nelson quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

[A poster for Dr. Lombardi's show features a picture of him, serious and unsmiling]

Mike

See his lecture series, "Let A Smile Be Your Calling Card."

[As Michael Landon's name appears in the opening credits]

Mike

[singing to the Bonanza theme] We got a film, and it's starring Michael Landon...

[A crowd of "teens" watch the fight]

Mike

And the 35-year-old high school students look on.

[Tony, played by Michael Landon, has just punched someone. His friends look on in shock]

[As yet another unappealing rural Wisconsinite is harrassed by a giant spider.]

Mike

I'm starting to wish that the South would rise again and crush the North.

[After seeing who played Madison]

Mike

Madison is, Madison.

[Nastenka has to knit some socks before the sun rises.]

Mike

So, the first plot point involves knitting socks. I think we're in for quite a ride, guys!

[Russian names are on the screen.]

Mike

These names are all Russian for Alan Smithee.

[A computer monitor is flashing advanced forumlas.]

Mike

The world's most difficult math test.

[As Denby and "Cupcake" Tina watch, Sam dumps unconscious Buffalo Bill out of the car and rejoins the race.]

Agent for H.A.R.M.

[As Ava is hurriedly packing her suitcase, Adam enters the room]

Mike

Here's the wind up....

[Adam smiles smugly to himself]

Mike

...and there's the smarm!

[The opening title of the movie shows: Prince of Space.]

Mike

I'm in space already! Damn!

[Prince of Space's and the Krankorians' spaceships trade cheesy beam weapon effects.]

Mike

An exchange of deadly negative scratches!

[The Prince of Space's ship narrowly dodges an attack, obviously being held by wires.]