[A card after the prologue and credits reads "Seven Years Later".]
Seven years after the credits?
Mike[confused] I guess.
Played by Michael J. Nelson
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 824 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (393), Crow T. Robot (376), Narrator (63)
Scenes with Mike Nelson 617
Mike[A figure leisurely lopes through a graveyard.]
CACrow [as figure]
Well, I better get back to my grave; sun's been up an hour, I'm startin' to disintegrate.
. . .
MikeHeh... you know, people are just dying to--
[sharply] No.
Mike...Sorry.
. . .
[Troy visits his father's grave.]
TTroy
[voiceover] Hello, Dad. It's been a long time. And I miss you. I want to know what happened to you.
MAMike [as Troy's Father]
I died.
[Troy enters his attic.]
MikeOh, this is where they get all the stuff to put in T.G.I. Fridays.
. . .
[Troy opens a trunk.]
CACrow [as Troy]
This is where I've secreted away all my red sweaters.
Oh, boy. He's going to find out his dad is a rodeo clown.
MAMike [as Troy]
I don't care if I'm too old. I'm getting my Batman pajamas back out of here.
. . .
SAServo [as Troy]
Well, if I'm going to be a ventriloquist dummy, I'd better learn how to live in this trunk.
[Troy reaches in and pulls out a folder.]
CACrow [as Troy]
Now I'm going to settle in with the Book of Mormon.
[He opens the folder and pulls out a picture of his dad.]
MikeLarry Czonka!
[Troy continues to look inside and finds a bunch of old papers.]
SAServo [as Troy]
Ew, shouldn't have filed that sandwich.
CACrow [as Troy]
I've got to find the warranty on this sweater.
What's your name, laddy?
TTroy
Troy MacGregor.
I'm Rowsdower. Zap Rowsdower.
CCrow
Yeah, well I'm Bill Shtinkwater!
[Rowsdower's truck starts up.]
MikeRowsdowermobile, away!
And together they fought crime throughout Southwestern Alberta!
[Rowsdower is trudging up a hill]
MikeHey, how'd he get his pants clean?
Say what you want about the filthy, grizzled guy, he does a good load of laundry.
. . .
CCrow
[singing] You got mud on your face, you big disgrace, shovin' those sandwiches into your face, singing...
CSCrow and Servo
We will, we will ROWSDOWER!
CCrow
SING IT!
[Servo stops singing, but Crow keeps going.]
CCrow
We will, we... [normally] Oh, guess that's over.
[The group sing as music plays and the credits start to roll]
Oh baby, Rowsdower saves us and saves all the world!
CCrow
He comes to save the day in a broken truck.
MikeWith a stinky denim jacket on his back.
CCrow
He couldn't help this movie, which really sucked!
MikeBut at least we didn't have to see him play [falters] h-hackey sack....
What?!
MikeSorry, I panicked.
They used to rule this land.
MAMike [as Rowsdower]
They ruled this one acre for about a week. Nobody knew.
[That night, the squads are still looking for the Devil Fish.]
SGSheriff Gordon
Squad number one. Report in.
SMSquad Member
Squad number one, Sheriff. Ain't seen nothing yet.
CACrow [as Squad Member]
B-b-b-baby, we ain't seen n-n-nothing yet, over.
. . .
SGSheriff Gordon
Squad number two. Squad number two!
SAServo [as dead squad member]
We done been et, over!
. . .
SGSheriff Gordon
Squad number two. Squad number two!
CCrow
Oh, they'll be number two soon enough.
. . .
[The rednecks of Squad Number Two become a light snack for the Devil Fish.]
SAServo [as Devil Fish]
[singing to Neil Young's "Southern Man"] Southern man, gonna eat your head!
. . .
[The Sheriff and the other squads arrive and again pour gasoline into the water.]
CCrow
Well, this should take care of every living thing in the Everglades.
. . .
[The squads are playing flamethrowers over the gasoline, cooking the Devil Fish.]
SAServo [as Sheriff]
Okay, now, throw in the diced onions and celery and chopped porcini mushrooms!
CCrow
Does the Coast Guard have a lot of use for flamethrowers?
. . .
[Close up of burning water.]
MikeEww, someone threw a match on the Cuyahoga River.
[One of the robots doing Gumby's yardwork drives its lawnmower through the fence into the next yard.]
CCrow
Hey, don't! That's Wallace and Gromit's yard!
[Another robot chops down a tree.]
MikeHey! That's old-growth clay!
. . .
[Another robot is ripping slats from the garage.]
CCrow
Habitat Against Humanity.
[A robot throws a wrench at Gumbo, which goes through him and leaves a wrench-shaped hole in his torso.]
Liquid metal!
[The camera cuts to Gumby's reaction.]
MAMike [as Gumby]
Hey, you can throw things through Dad! I'm gonna get an anvil!
[A robot head hangs over a garage door with the words, "THE END".]
Aah! They hung his head! Oh…
CCrow
Now I'm ready for years of powerful Adlerian therapy, Mike.
They hung his head... oh... oh this is worse than Se7en!
MikeHey! His bump is on the other side!
The Screaming Skull (movie)
EEric
Jenni, this is Mickey.
MAMike [as Eric]
Mickey's a wide-awake nightmare!
[Jenni, back in the house, is shrieking uncontrollably.]
CCrow
Oh, great! She's playing her Yoko Ono albums.
MikeI think the title was supposed to be "Screaming, semicolon, Skull".
[After Tee and Leonardo are recaptured by the forest Prince, a noisy, loony henchman drops out of the trees in belated pursuit.]
LHLoony Henchman
I'm com-iiiing!
MAMike [as The Prince]
Put a sock in it, Legolas!
[Tony, now Puma Man, flies through London for the first time as Vadinho watches.]
Yeah, first thing he does is poop on my car!
CACrow [as Vadinho]
Look out for the-- oh, boy, right into the propellers.
MikeThey gave him the Captain Dork costume by mistake.
CCrow
[Singing to the Puma Man theme music] Pu-ma Man, he flies like a moron!
MikeHe has the project to rear project major cities.
A bird gets sucked into his engine and he goes down immediately.
CCrow
Yeah, they'll find his black box and hear "DAH! WHOA HO!"
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