[The film's title is shown.]
The story of Aleister Crappie!
“Devil Fish” · Season 9
In this episode: Tom Servo (5), Crow T. Robot (3), Mike Nelson (1)
[Coming aboard the Seaquarium, Stella and Peter are looking for Dr. Janet.]
PPeter
Janet! Janet!
SAServo [as Peter]
Oh, sorry, I forgot. I'm nasty, Miss Jackson!
[Mad scientist Dr. Davis, armed with a gun, confronts WOI head Dr. West.]
DDr. Davis
Anyone who has the chance to tap the enormous reserves of the sea… will have the future, Doctor.
WDr. West
In his hands.
DDr. Davis
Exactly.
CACrow [as Davis]
Yeah, thanks for helping me out there.
[Several squads of locals have volunteered to help the police and Coast Guard track down and burn the Devil Fish, while Peter acts as bait. They pour pink-tinted gasoline in the water.]
CACrow [as Sheriff Gordon]
Deploy the Countrytime Pink Lemonade!
I bet they hired every nature-hating psycho in Dade County.
[Shot of skinny woman in bikini on raft]
See the Human Lady!
[That night, the squads are still looking for the Devil Fish.]
SGSheriff Gordon
Squad number one. Report in.
SMSquad Member
Squad number one, Sheriff. Ain't seen nothing yet.
CACrow [as Squad Member]
B-b-b-baby, we ain't seen n-n-nothing yet, over.
. . .
SGSheriff Gordon
Squad number two. Squad number two!
SAServo [as dead squad member]
We done been et, over!
. . .
SGSheriff Gordon
Squad number two. Squad number two!
CCrow
Oh, they'll be number two soon enough.
. . .
[The rednecks of Squad Number Two become a light snack for the Devil Fish.]
SAServo [as Devil Fish]
[singing to Neil Young's "Southern Man"] Southern man, gonna eat your head!
. . .
[The Sheriff and the other squads arrive and again pour gasoline into the water.]
CCrow
Well, this should take care of every living thing in the Everglades.
. . .
[The squads are playing flamethrowers over the gasoline, cooking the Devil Fish.]
SAServo [as Sheriff]
Okay, now, throw in the diced onions and celery and chopped porcini mushrooms!
CCrow
Does the Coast Guard have a lot of use for flamethrowers?
. . .
[Close up of burning water.]
Eww, someone threw a match on the Cuyahoga River.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.