Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Servo

Who is that rapping? Rapping on my chamber door?

Huh, darkness there, and nothing more.

Huh, didn't even have the courtesy to leave a flaming bag of poop.

Now this is podracing!

Eric!

Servo

Chickabee! Tay in the wind!

Damn you, Roy's Discount Medical Supplies!

You know, they went through three Erics making this.

Great. Now I'm gonna get blamed for this too.

Mike

[wearing sunglasses] Eric!

Hey, nice sunglasses.

Servo

[cut to a different angle, the sunglasses go missing] Hey, where'd the sunglasses go?

Mike

Get ready!

Hey, nice sunglasses.

Servo

[Mike is pulling Mac into the van; the sunglasses are gone] Hey, where'd the sunglasses go?

Jenga!

Hey, what do you think you're doing?!

I gotta find the John, where do I put this?

Did you just check me out???

Did he just check him out???

Oh, I bet this is the part of the movie where Eric's gonna give a big speech about no matter what we look like on the outside, we are all the same, and really, isn't that— [the police begin opening fire on the aliens, starting a massive firefight] Whoa, okay. Tha— I mean like— oh! NO! NOO! NO STOP! NO IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A SPEECH ABOUT HOW WE'RE ALL THE SAME!

Servo

What? [the cars all explode, causing a massive explosion of the gas store]

NOOO!!!

What the hell???

Servo

Holy gizmos!

[freaking out] NO, WHAT THE F— COME ON!!! This didn't happen in E.T.!

I love the smell of napalm in the morning!

[stressed] It's supposed to be about how we're all the same in the end and everything's gonna be okay...

It just disappeared from my sonar, I don't have anything here. Anybody else reading anything?

[as Stone] Uh, Lincoln in the Bardo.

[as Admiral Hadley] Cash on Cash by Johnny Cash.

Servo

[as Dr. Margaret Adams] Danielle Steel.

[as Lt. Wexler] I'm into podcasts.

This thing's all over my ass, man! He's gonna tear me up!

Excuse me?

Hey, send someone in there, he's getting killed down there!

That thing's all over him.

Tearing him up.

Easy!

Yeezy? Kanye? I don't know what to call him anymore! Tell me what to call Kanye, please!

Oh, I think I found a way out. I'm gonna get outta here- [door is locked] Aww man...

Yo, there's people dying!

And it's actually Berenstain Bears! Not Bernstein!!!

I kinda just figured we'd get matching helmets, didn't you?

Servo

Joel Hodgson???

Guys, lets look at this from the monster's point of view. He's out of his element, an endangered species, probably just looking for food and suddenly, some robots attack him.

Yeah, if anything, he's a poor huddled mass just yearning to breath free.

Servo

We should be welcoming this new sea monster American, and the unique skills he brings with him.

Yeah

Aw, hell no!

Kill that monster! [in chorus with Servo and Crow] USA! USA! USA!

Servo

So now they go out for a well deserved night of celebration.

Which ends with Red once again, in the brig. This time for urinating on the dog of a visiting diplomat.

Until another monster emerges for him to battle.

Servo

Which he does, leading to another victory, and another night of drinking.

And he's back in the brig.

And the cycle of Red's life continues.

Servo

And the movie ends as it began... as a garbage fire.

Servo

You know, Jonah, this shot is not grate.

Thanks, Tom. I know you're just venting. You wanna try one, Crow?

No thanks, I don't think puns are funny. Yet the way they're constructed makes you feel like they should be.

I hear ya.

Hey, I got it! Let that sink in. Yeah, I'm a pun guy! I like myself, and I'm saying puns!

Hey, she's looking right at us!

Yeah! You're freaking us out, lady! Stop it!

Servo

And look at how she's behaving, like we're the jerks.

Yeah!

Servo

No, you back off!

[coming downstairs] Hey, Dad.

Norm!

Mommy, I don't wanna go. I like it here.

Shh, honey, don't talk now...

Or ever.