Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Could this be Glen's?

Servo

No, no, the whorl pattern is completely wrong.

Joel

My name's Sally, I'm a snackoholic.

Hi, Sally.

The two boys and the two girls with the best postures will wear these posture crowns.

Joel

Yeah, they'll go to Burger King and get crappy hats.

Tommy, Jimmy, Jane, and Mary are very interested in this announcement.

Servo

Hey, who wouldn't be?

Joel

That's when the kids came up with a plan to blackmail Mrs. Reedy.

But they are not happy with what they see.

Servo

They're disgusted and filled with self-loathing!

For Tommy is indeed surprised...

No! No! No! Uh-uh! Uh-uh! No! Uh-uh!

...his chest looked flat because his tummy looked so round.

Joel

He's got VPL.

Servo

Hey, and let me tell ya... JOEL!

Now Jimmy is disturbed to see...

Nuh-uh! No! Nothing doing! That ain't gonna work! It's not flying with me, Pops!

He's leaning backward out of balance, just like a house about to fall.

Just like his dad on Friday night!

And what gives Jane her worried frown?

Joel

Valium?

Look at the board. It's plain to see that Jane must practice standing straight to grow up like a lovely tree.

Servo

All of a sudden, it's iambic pentameter here.

Our Mary is a happy girl...

Servo

(imitates repeated burping)

...with hollowed chest and tired head.

She should jut go home to bed. Green Eggs and Ham.

Servo

Thank you, Sam-I-Am.

At last, the big day has come. The class is taking their second posture test.

Hey, it's Hitchcock!

Tom

Yeah, after Slim-Fast!

FIX! IT'S A RIG! FIX!

Servo

Then Mary's head is lit on fire!

And the other three children win the other posture crowns.

Servo

Definitely a fix.

Don't you agree that these four children deserve to win after trying so hard to improve their postures?

NO!

Their chances of ever being cool are ruined for life.

[singing to tune of Hava Nagila]: Havah la gila, havaaaaah la gila!

The horror! The horror!

Aw, they killed off the only likeable character!

Two twenties!

Tom

That makes thirty dollars!

I lost a tooth.

Oh Jeez, I told you to floss!

Gee, I'll lose an arm and you'll really crack up.

Joel

This guy's just funny, you can't explain it...you can't explain it, he's just funny.

Servo

He'll pass a stone in a minute that'll make ya howl.

Servo

No acting beyond this point. Not allowed.

The illegal smuggling of mimes. Nobody ever talks about it.

When we return to our planet, the High Court may well sentence you to torture!

TORCHAA!!

We are the supreme race! We have the supreme weapons!

We have the supreme pizzas!

Servo

...and now, Trapper John, M.D.!

Boy, Tra-Trapper John, M.D. lives right next door to Medical Center!

Servo

Yeah!

Joel

It makes anything you say worth listening to; isn't that right?

[using the impersonation kit] I just purchased a new shovel today. Its cost: 15 dollars. Believe it... or not.

Joel

Or you can use it to scare your friends. [to Servo] Hey, is your name said Jack Palance or Jack Pa-lance?

Servo

[using the kit] That- would be a decision for you to make. Choose wisely...