Scenes with Tom Servo 1,241
[after Mike runs a stop sign on his bike]
T Ted
I've got something to tell you that you'll probably see in the film tomorrow, but I think you need to know it now.
SA Servo [as Ted]
Meryl's still got it.
T Ted
Every time you come to a stop sign, you should always use the slow down, or stop hand signal. And then you should look being you to make sure that no cars are coming. Then look to the left, and always when it's a three-way intersection, look straight ahead to the right, to the left again, and then once it's clear, you can...
EA Emily [as Ted]
Then up up, down down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start, and you'll have unlimited bikes!
Everything you can see at one thing is called your field of view.
[the camera pans to the left, losing focus on the road, and looking at a building with an ITW sign]
Look what happens to your field of view when you turn your head.
EA Emily [as Narrator]
You can see International Towel World.
Every time you switch your line of sight, your entire field of view changes.
SA Servo [as Narrator]
Scientists call this, "looking."
YB Young Baseball Player
Who do you think's gonna pitch today? I hope it's not McCalvey!
[as the young baseball player on his bike runs a stop sign, a car honks, resulting in a freeze frame on the boy's surprised face]
SA Servo [as the kid]
Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got here...
[the next scene shows the player on a street in bandages, about to be put on a stretcher]
Final line, McCalvey went eight innings, gave up two runs on six hits, four walks, and one ceremonial pitch.
He died how he played baseball: trouble with the curve.
...
Servo [as the ambulance takes the boy away] And the moral of the story is, baseball isn't worth it.
P Paramedic
Alright, let's move back out of the street.
CA Crow [as paramedic]
Alright, move along so we can finish this Larry Byrd photo shoot for Pontiac.
Search the ground for changing road surfaces. Your bicycle reacts differently to each one. Loose gravel is slippery.
CA Crow [as Narrator]
And pairs well with Merlot.
These are the weirdest affirmations.
Adjust your speed to each surface to keep your bicycle under control.
SA Servo [as Narrator]
Unlike that hot Irish temper of yours, Kellen.
[as the short begins to roll credits to happy music]
[singing] Don't you... forget about me... [she raises a fist in the air]
I remember Jules et Jim being longer.
Yeah, Beverly J. Ruff was definitely not three dogs in a trench coat.
Servo Ironically, I had to unfriend John L. Friend.
Richard B Long, Jeffrey B. Light, and I be done with this movie.
While Steve washes his hands, Cathy will get the silverware. Oops! She dropped a spoon.
Servo Oops! She's fired.
[as the family gathers around the breakfast table] Now, Steve is ready for breakfast, and father too.
EA Emily [as the Narrator]
Back from his other family.
Father is also careful about the food he eats. The sausage looks good...
CA Crow [as the Narrator]
But the eggs look worse.
[as the father takes a bite of the sausage, but grimaces] But it doesn't taste right.
EA Emily [as the Narrator]
And Cathy's missing three fingers!
So, he won't eat anymore of the sausage, it may be spoiled.
Often we can tell if foods are good to eat by smelling or tasting them.
SA Servo [as the Narrator]
Or simply by asking them.
You should never eat food if you're not sure they are safe.
EA Emily [as the Mother]
Cathy, did you wash your fingers before we cooked them?
Washing dishes also helps us keep our food fresh and clean. To find out why, let's do an experiment with some leftover food on a plate. What do you suppose will happen if the food is not washed off?
Servo It will get tattoos, and listen to punk music.
The best way to get dirt and germs off your hands is to wash and scrub them well.
Use lots of soap, and get in between the fingers, on the back of the hands, and on the wrists too. Get them clean all over.
Servo Where have those wrists been?
[as a covered sliced cake is shown]
Servo It's quarantined Pac-Man!
[a knife starts to cut another slice of the cake]
No, Pac-Man! [Imitates the Pac-Man death sound]
Sally has a sandwich from yesterday.
SA Servo [as Sally]
See? No funny business.
Cathy would love it, but if it's been out of the refrigerator for so long, it may be spoiled. [Cathy declines the sandwich] That's right, Cathy. Don't eat things if you don't know for sure they are safe.
EA Emily [as the Narrator]
Say no to leftovers.
Suppose you drop a cookie on the floor.
Servo Five second rule?
Things that are dropped, you know, should be washed before eating, but how can you wash a cookie?
Well, he'll just have to throw it out.
Every television show begins with a title. Often, it's a card on an easel.
Whoa! Don't give away all the secrets!
... in the studio well before airtime, and each area is set up for the camera so that the program can proceed smoothly.
SA Servo [as the Narrator]
[during a shot of five cards on screen] They are beige to show off on your glorious color TV.
... in this table of grain samples, since our Better Breakfast story begins with cereal grains.
CA Crow [as Narrator]
And ends with malt liquor.
Today's wide variety of ready to eat and hot breakfast cereals is made from these great grains.
Servo Barely.
Which is better on the cob.
Servo The pigeon exploder.
And wheat, or combinations of them.
Call me when you got sorghum.
The United States Department of Agriculture says cereal breakfast products are an important food use of the grains we grow.
EA Emily [as Narrator]
And it's not a conflict of interest at all.
Servo Spindled...
Servo And thrown away!
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Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
