[as Mr. Mathis and a group of student drivers exit a car]
EAEmily [as Mr. Mathis]
Just act casual, and remember, if anyone asks, we hit a deer.
“Bicycling Visual Skills”
In this episode: Emily (8), Crow T. Robot (6), Tom Servo (6), Narrator (4), Mike Nelson (1)
MMr. Mathis
Say, I have a new film on safe driving skills that I'm gonna look at in the morning. Would any of you like to look at it? Can you meet me back here at nine o'clock?
KKaren
Sure!
Okay.
MMr. Mathis
Alright. See you in the driver's education room.
TTed
See you later!
KKaren
Bye!
SAServo [as a kid]
Let's hurry home! The purge starts tonight!
[after Mike runs a stop sign on his bike]
TTed
I've got something to tell you that you'll probably see in the film tomorrow, but I think you need to know it now.
SAServo [as Ted]
Meryl's still got it.
TTed
Every time you come to a stop sign, you should always use the slow down, or stop hand signal. And then you should look being you to make sure that no cars are coming. Then look to the left, and always when it's a three-way intersection, look straight ahead to the right, to the left again, and then once it's clear, you can...
EAEmily [as Ted]
Then up up, down down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start, and you'll have unlimited bikes!
MMr. Mathis
Karen, could you get the lights for me?
CACrow [as Karen]
Get a clapper, old man!
All vehicle drivers need good visual habits to drive skillfully.
EAEmily [as Narrator]
Having eyes in general is a plus.
Everything you can see at one thing is called your field of view.
CCrow
Learning!
[the camera pans to the left, losing focus on the road, and looking at a building with an ITW sign]
Look what happens to your field of view when you turn your head.
EAEmily [as Narrator]
You can see International Towel World.
Every time you switch your line of sight, your entire field of view changes.
SAServo [as Narrator]
Scientists call this, "looking."
Check ahead in the intersection for traffic. Check to the left, and to the right...
CACrow [as Narrator]
Then cha cha slide.
Then put your hand back on the handlebar, and check behind again to make sure it's clear before you turn.
EAEmily [as Narrator]
Repeat this process 27 times, then turn the stove on and off 44 times so you know your mom won't die.
YBYoung Baseball Player
Who do you think's gonna pitch today? I hope it's not McCalvey!
[as the young baseball player on his bike runs a stop sign, a car honks, resulting in a freeze frame on the boy's surprised face]
SAServo [as the kid]
Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got here...
[the next scene shows the player on a street in bandages, about to be put on a stretcher]
CCrow
Final line, McCalvey went eight innings, gave up two runs on six hits, four walks, and one ceremonial pitch.
He died how he played baseball: trouble with the curve.
...
[as the ambulance takes the boy away] And the moral of the story is, baseball isn't worth it.
PParamedic
Alright, let's move back out of the street.
CACrow [as paramedic]
Alright, move along so we can finish this Larry Byrd photo shoot for Pontiac.
Search the ground for changing road surfaces. Your bicycle reacts differently to each one. Loose gravel is slippery.
CACrow [as Narrator]
And pairs well with Merlot.
Bricks are bumpy.
These are the weirdest affirmations.
Adjust your speed to each surface to keep your bicycle under control.
SAServo [as Narrator]
Unlike that hot Irish temper of yours, Kellen.
[as the short begins to roll credits to happy music]
[singing] Don't you... forget about me... [she raises a fist in the air]
CCrow
I remember Jules et Jim being longer.
Yeah, Beverly J. Ruff was definitely not three dogs in a trench coat.
Ironically, I had to unfriend John L. Friend.
CCrow
Richard B Long, Jeffrey B. Light, and I be done with this movie.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.