Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Constant checking assures, guarantees, absolute tolerances. Everything must be perfect.

Our nation's security depends on it.

Pellets, each identical, are placed in a mold. Many at a time. The mold closes, leaving an exact time and preset temperature to do the job.

[singing] Just another brick in the wall...

Minutes later, vastly changed, the former pellets emerge as sort of a blanket, ready for dye cutting to separate the perfect half spheres.

I'm learning a lot.

Variations in wall thickness, weight, and overall dimensions are infinitesimal.

Then we add the honey barbecue sauce.

Another mold, different from the first, handles the second of the three cures. Some on the top, some on the bottom.

Servo

Like a waffle.

These molds are pressurized, which enables them to trap air inside the ball centers. That's how the bounce gets in.

Like Tigger. Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Approximately one atmosphere, or about 15 pounds per square inch. Again, time, temperature, and pressure do the work. The seam vulcanizes perfectly.

Servo

This is a lot of work for something your dog will chew on.

At this stage, the balls are checked for size. Sizing is visual, electronic, and mechanical. A three-way proposition.

Uhhh...

Oversized, and undersized centers are screened and separated to find use as simple play balls, or other activities. Not tennis.

I never realized how much tennis has in common with eugenics.

Next, in drums, the balls are tumbled.

I'll tumble for ya...

Steam is introduced. Mold marks dissappear. The flat nap is raised and fluffed.

Servo

Now he's just making up words.

Yeah, right?

A lineup for printing, which adds something important. The name. Penn.

James Penn.

A final check, and the balls are inserted in the distinctive can. Penn. Known wherever tennis is played.

Like at Wimbledon or at Pfifer Middle School where you skinned your knee so badly you quit the team, remember, you LITTLE WHINER?!

The can, by the way, has a patented snap-off top designed to prevent cut fingers.

Ow! Ow ow ow...

It was introduced by Penn.

An employee named Penn, who has four fingers now.

Oh, you two shouldn't be watching this. This is...

Servo

This is great... it's a free-for-all...

A new baby is an exciting addition to the family...

But to keep the balance, someone must go.

He's always asleep.

Joel

Oh, that's what he wants you to think.

When's he ever gonna be any fun?

All he ever does is eat and sleep.

And watch "Meet the Press."

Everybody has habits. [a father is shown reading a newspaper with a stern expression] Dad likes to read his newspaper every evening in this same chair.

A cat that eats lasagna?!

Getting ready for bed at a regular time is one of the most important habits you can learn. A quiet hour or two before bedtime is part of this habit. It makes you feel relaxed and sleepy, ready for bed.

Easy pickings for an apex predator.

You know, if you die in a dream, you die in real life.

[while David pulls out a big wrench and works on the propeller] No! Not like this, not today! I'm only nine! I never even finished that chapter I mentioned earlier!

Servo

Eh, still more reliable than flying with Spirit Airlines.

Dreams don't seem to make much sense, do they?

Nope!

[as David is seen sleeping again] That's because the brain is resting along with the body...

432, 433- oh, I did 433 twice. Gotta start over. 1, 2...

The alarm hasn't rung yet. David finds that he usually wakes up before it goes off.

Which is why you should always get up a full 30 minutes before you awaken.

You're never at your best until at least an hour or two afterwards. That's one reason why getting up early is so important.

Uhhhh... didn't this family used to have a baby?

There's plenty of time for breakfast, too. Breakfast is an important meal that shouldn't be missed. If you usually go to bed early enough, you usually wake up early, too. You can start the day in a pleasant, unhurried way. It's more fun for you that way and more fun for the rest of the family, too. David and Martha enjoy their mornings.

It's the last daylight they'll see before descending into the mines.

Joel

[David and Martha leave the table] "Well, gotta run, mom and dad, but this has been pleasant and unhurried."

Seriously though! This film started with a baby!

Man, oh man, would you look at this one? She sure is beautiful...

But she doesn't even know I exist!

Well, this she happens to be a he.

Idiot.

You're looking at the male betta splenden, and he is one of the most beautiful fish you'll probably ever see. As you look closely...

Just look at that muddy brown.

... almost every color of the rainbow, sparkling in his sleek body, and flowing fins as he swims...

Bob's biting his knuckle right now.

Strange as it may seem, in the family of betta splendens, it's the father who cares for the babies, and raises a family.

Servo

A real Mr. Mom.

Father? What does the mother fish do?

She drinks.

The father betta will go up to the surface and breathe in a mouthful of air. Then he will swim to the place that he's chosen to build his nest. Now this is usually by a plant, or on the underside of a floating leaf.

Hopefully by a sport's bar.

Then he will blow out the bubbles of air, which is coated with very special saliva from his mouth.

Servo

When he does it, he's a good dad, but when I do it, I'm asked to leave the Arby's.

Say, I have a new film on safe driving skills that I'm gonna look at in the morning. Would any of you like to look at it? Can you meet me back here at nine o'clock?

Sure!

Mike

Okay.

Alright. See you in the driver's education room.

See you later!

Bye!

Let's hurry home! The purge starts tonight!