Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Whole grain, enriched or restored breakfast cereals are included in one of the four main food groups recommended by government nutrition experts in a daily food guide.

Servo

Government can't tell me not to eat batteries!

[not understanding] Oh, the fifth element! Maybe it's a movie about boron?

Tom

Oh I don't know, I only look at that chart periodically! He he!

Mike

So what's the story in this movie?

Mike, the real story is the signature Steven Spielberg "Scenes of people looking". Let's watch.

Tom

[Excited] Oh I know I will!

Welcome to clown alley...

Give me your wallet!

This is where I get ready for the big show.

That's what I call your nightmares. The big show.

I'm the manager of the supermarket...

And also the town undertaker.

... and this is my son, Johnny.

It's his birthday, and he gets to spend two hours in the candy aisle.

A supermarket is like many little markets or departments all brought together into one big building. Each department sells a different kind of food.

Putting all the smaller family owned markets out of business, thus ensuring that capitalism continues its nonstop roll toward oblivion.

Dad, how is this going to help us find my sister?

Servo

Ooh, sad...

Dad, is this legal?

Come on in, Johnny. I'd like you to meet my good friend, David Lynch.

In this room, packages of meat are made ready for selling. Since food must be kept very clean, the packages are carefully wrapped and labeled. They're covered with cellophane, and then sealed with a hot iron.

And a fresh slice of provolone.

You know, this is how Coldstone Creamery got started. They just reversed the process.

Each package is weighed, and the weight and price are marked on the label.

Servo

[as a butcher writes on a label] "Help, I'm being held captive in Mayfair Market."

Meanwhile, I check on some signs needed for tomorrow's sale.

Have you seen my son?

I tell my sign maker what the sale price will be. The signs will be used in the windows of the market.

I linger a bit longer to take in the smell of benzene.

Now Johnny, how would you like to open the market? Just push this buzzer...

...and the bees will be released! [evil laugh]

This work is all performed by silent robots.

Hmmm, must be nice.

Hey!