Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes[In the middle of a WWI-style war, or some sort of battle, after Mrs. Forrester is hit.]
(panting) Oh, great! Just what I need!
Medic! Medic!
[enters wearing nurse's outfit] Here I am!
Brain Guy? What the hell is...your...deal?
My race is pacifist and does not believe in war. We only kill out of personal spite. We will, however, administer humanitarian aid. (begins attending to Forrester's wound)
...what's that smell?!
Oh! Mustard gas!
Mustard gas! Get the masks!
Oh, no, that's just me; I ate a whole jar of Plochman's with my knishes for lunch.
Good god, ape...
That's it, we're pulling out!
[Clanking sound is heard]
Hand grenade!
Grenade! I'll save you! [throws Observer to the ground; the grenade goes off right near him]
Bobo, Brain Guy, quit farting around and get in the van! Okay, Nelson, we need air support an we need it fast!
[looks up] It's a good thing I don't have a body... [flops back down]
[Back on the SOL, Mike Nelson is pouring baking soda into a bomb casing while Crow and Servo watch]
Sure, no problem; I used to make these babies in junior high school, out of vinegar and baking soda...
I-is that too much baking soda, Mike, or—
[ignoring Crow] ...and high school, now that I think of it. And college, too. Got...got expelled for that...
D-definitely too much baking soda, Mike.
Just a little too much.
[Crow makes a small "Whoa..." as Mike pulls out a much larger box of baking soda and filling the bomb casing with it]
And for that temp job I worked on, too...until that one guy in receiving got me fired...
Heh, Mike, Mike, honey...the baking soda—
[again ignoring Crow]It was just a little prank, but he had to rat out on me, didn't he? Oh, well, I guess some people are just like that...
So! Bombs away, Mike!
Okay, Mike! Bombs away!
Oh! Right... [Mikes walks away with the bomb as Crow and Servo cheer]
Bombs away, Mike!
Bombs away! [to Crow] Hey, I heard you can make a bazooka out of PVC tubing and a used diaper.
Is that so?
[Mike reenters without the bomb]
Okay, okay! Hee-hee-hee...
There you go, Mrs. Forrester, a little distraction...
A little distraction!
[Mike and the Bots laugh, and then a huge explosion goes off, knocking the bots off Mike's workstation.]
[gets back up] Okay... Few things, Mike. First, uh, well, you blew up another planet, obviously; what's that, three for you now?
Think so...
And, second, uh—ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR STUPID, ROTTED SKULL, YOU DUMB MAN?!
