[In the middle of a war, Observer ("Brain Guy") explains his nurse's uniform.]
My race is pacifist and does not believe in war. We only kill out of personal spite.
“Riding with Death” · Season 8
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (12), Mike Nelson (12), Tom Servo (8), Observer (2), Adam (2), Sam (1), Bobo (1)
[As the gang enters the theater, the Universal Pictures logo appears.]
[Imitates the theme to "The Jetsons", then a space car]
Universal, except for you, Ron.
CCrow
You know, the Earth's thinks it's so great.
Oh yeah. It thinks the world revolves around itself.
[As the title appears]
Hey, the Matthew Broderick story.
CCrow
And believe me, Death does not pony up for gas.
[During the opening credits]
Is there such a thing as starring Ben Murphy? Isn't it more honest to say that most of the time the camera is pointed at Ben Murphy?
. . .
CCrow
Starring rejects from Harry-O.
. . .
If Clu Gulager isn't in this, it'll be very wrong.
Anthony Zerbe, come on! Please, please, please, please!
. . .
Ah, that's who's playing John Hiller this time.
. . .
Aw, Steven Bochco? Does this mean we have to see Denis Franz's hairy butt cheeks?
CCrow
Ah, that gooey LA sky.
Birds? Nope. All dead.
[A computer monitor is flashing advanced forumlas.]
The world's most difficult math test.
[A character is spending the scene fiddling with his glasses]
CCrow
Just between the three of us, my glasses are FILTHY!
[A nametag-wearing mechanic sabotages Sam's truck and watches him leave, wearing a vaguely menacing expression.]
SAServo [as Mechanic]
[evilly] They don't call me "Karl" for nothing.
[Truckers Sam and "Buffalo Bill" attempt a dangerous tandem braking maneuver.]
SSam
Alrighty, I'm coming up on your mudflaps at 67.
CCrow
"Coming up on your mudflaps." People have such cute names for sex.
MAMike [as Sam]
Ma' well-oiled chassis is comin' up on yer backside, now.
SAServo [as Sam]
My rigid grill structure is bearin' down on yer unprotected cargo door.
CACrow [as Sam]
My oft-complimented Peterbilt is rhythmically nudging that sweet honey pot of yours--
MSMike, Servo
Ugh-- Crow!
. . .
[Sam and Buffalo Bill have completed the maneuver and are easing into a town.]
MAMike [as Sam]
Drained and satisfied, I'm tracin' lazy circles on yer' supercab now.
CCrow
You said I was bad.
You inspired me.
[Buffalo Bill jumps up and down, whooping and cheering excitedly.]
CACrow [as Buffalo Bill]
Dukes of Hazzard got renewed!
[As Denby and "Cupcake" Tina watch, Sam dumps unconscious Buffalo Bill out of the car and rejoins the race.]
MAMike [as Denby]
Cupcake! Get Twinkie the Kid and Fruitpie the Magician!
Agent for H.A.R.M.
[The opening credits, and the crew are speculating on the source of H.A.R.M.]
Oh, that stands for Huge Angular Red Marshmallows.
CCrow
Hirsute Astronauts Revile Massachusetts
Heuristic Analog Rental Meat.
. . .
[Adam Chance karate-chops a piece of wood while a beautiful female student watches.]
MAMike [as Adam]
Solid balsawood, baby!
. . .
[After tumbling with the woman and firing into a target, he shows her the deadly results.]
AAdam
This could've been you, and don't you forget it! Better go back to the judo range.
The judo range?
. . .
SAServo [as Adam]
Meet me at the karate rink later.
. . .
[Adam turns to his pupil as he leaves on a motorcycle.]
AAdam
Judo range!
CACrow [as Adam]
Then go practice your skeet kendo and bring your aikido rifle, too.
MAMike [as Student]
Gotta get into my judo bikini.
AAdam
You think you can't get hurt, Doctor, because this is America? Apple pie and all that jazz?
CCrow
And hula hoops and dungarees?
AAdam
Well, my job is to keep the apple pie on the table, and nobody asks me how I do it!
MAMike [as Dr. Stefanik]
I'll just need an hour to figure out your metaphor.
[After a lip-lock with Adam, Ava invites him for a moonlight swim.]
AAva
Are you coming, or do I swim alone?
CACrow [as Adam]
Yes, and yes.
[Crow records a video-testimony for Mike's trial]
CCrow
This thing on? Okay. Hi! I'm Crow T. Robot and I'm here to tell you that Mike Nelson is innocent. Mike Nelson is 200 % [bleep]ing not guilty. And if you [bleep]s don't [bleep] find him innocent, then you can just [bleep]ing kiss my fat [bleep]ing [bleep]. And that [bleep]ing goes for your bull[bleep] court system, too! Mike, I'm so [bleep]ing sorry I couldn't [bleep]ing be there for this [bleep]ing [bleep]y really bogus trial, man. But let me [bleep] tell ya something, Nelson. If I was there, I'd [bleep]ing kick everyone's fat stupid [bleep]ing behinds and then cram it up their [bleep]ing [bleep]. Anyway, Mike, buddy, I hope this [bleep] helps. Take care, Mike.
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