Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Call our 900 number and vote.

[Singing to the Puma Man theme music] Puma Man! He flies like a moron!

[singing along with the music] Gonna go to the store! Da na na na na na! Gonna pick up some bread! Da na na na na na! Maybe stop by the post office! Da na na na na na! Take Dolores to lunch! Da na na na na na! Hope they're serving that ham, oh yeah...

Y'know, this music would be better with women in bikinis shaking it all over the place... Well, I guess that's true of any music, really.

Pete Postlethwaite in shorts? This movie is for the ladies!

Mike, stop yellin' and shootin' and killin', you woke me up.

Um, folks? We'd like to show you clips of one of the crappier big movies of the summer, but we'd get sued. Yes, we'd get sued for showing you clips of G[bleep]a. Even saying Go[bleep]la will get the bejeezus sued out of you. So I made my own giant lizard film to offer as my alternative to God[bleep]. Enjoy. Won't us?

There! And it's Matthew Broderick free! Oh, and Mike paid a quarter to see it, so it's already made more of a profit than [bleep]zilla."

Our first movie is based on a television show, which is a ridiculous notion to begin with.

I know I shouldn't complain, but he's never home. He's got another wife and it's called "petroleum!"

Oh, who sneezed on the credits?

Hey! You can see the Cubs losing!

Guys, I'm really worried. What happened to the baby?!

Alright everyone, smoke 'em of you got 'em. In the next film, we cover tick bites.

Hi, you're watching Turkey Day, here on Comedy Central. Turkey fact number 12: if you leave turkeys out in the rain, they'll drown. Stupid jerks.

If you're taping, this is a good time to pause!