NOTE: This short was never aired, but it is available on DVD as part of Volume 7.
“Assignment: Venezuela (short)”
In this episode: Mike Nelson (5), Narrator (4), Crow T. Robot (3), Tom Servo (3), Jim (1)
[On title screen]
I want Venezuela on my desk by Friday morning!
[Narrator Jim is being driven through Maracaibo by his coworker, Ray.]
The first thing that surprised me on that ride was th--
[The film skips while the camera is focused on the same shot, giving the impression they disappeared. Jim, Ray and the car reappear elsewhere as the scene changes.]
MAMike [as Jim]
Was being sucked through a time portal.
. . .
[They pass a building with a huge sign: GRAN VENTA ESPECIAL.]
I almost felt I hadn't left home, when we passed a big Sears-Roebuck store.
Ah-heh! 'Cause it's called "Gran Venta" at home, too!
Another familiar site was a used car lot, full of American autos.
MAMike [as Narrator]
I dropped my pants and bent over a car, just to feel at home!
[Jim and Ray are on a ferry on Lake Maracaibo.]
JJim
Lake Maracaibo seemed narrow here. But it's actually 60 miles wide at one point, and 120 miles long.
SAServo [as Jim]
I felt like a complete ass mistaking it as narrow.
CACrow [as Jim]
I've taken this opportunity to reassess my views on all inland bodies of water.
. . .
[Soon, Jim and Ray are back on the road.]
MAMike [as Jim]
I wanted nothing more than to throw myself on my hotel bed and cry.
Sure, it's a different country, and I'm a foreigner here. But the Venezuelans have already made me feel welcome. All I have to do now is lick that language problem.
CACrow [as Narrator]
… and Escobar here.
[Jim is being shown around a prospective house. The wife gives him the tour.]
CACrow [as Wife]
I know I shouldn't complain, but he's never home. He's got another wife and it's called "petroleum!"
[Jim is shown around his future Quonset-hut home by the present husband and wife occupants.]
SAServo [as Wife]
[in white-trash accent] The water works about an hour a day. I'd boil the hell out of it if I were you.
The idea of this community integration project is to make people independent, instead of having to look to the company for everything.
MAMike [as Narrator]
It's called Venezuelalization.
I've also seen some of the historic spots of Caracas, like Plaza Bolivar, the old Spanish square, with the statue to the Liberator, who led six South American nations to freedom.
MAMike [as Narrator]
I think it was Zorro or something.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.