Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Have fun!

'Cause the Vietnam War is right around the corner!

Karen, could you get the lights for me?

Get a clapper, old man!

Everything you can see at one thing is called your field of view.

Learning!

Look what happens to your field of view when you turn your head.

You can see International Towel World.

Every time you switch your line of sight, your entire field of view changes.

Scientists call this, "looking."

Check ahead in the intersection for traffic. Check to the left, and to the right...

Then cha cha slide.

Then put your hand back on the handlebar, and check behind again to make sure it's clear before you turn.

Repeat this process 27 times, then turn the stove on and off 44 times so you know your mom won't die.

Who do you think's gonna pitch today? I hope it's not McCalvey!

Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got here...

Final line, McCalvey went eight innings, gave up two runs on six hits, four walks, and one ceremonial pitch.

He died how he played baseball: trouble with the curve.

Servo

[as the ambulance takes the boy away] And the moral of the story is, baseball isn't worth it.

Alright, let's move back out of the street.

Alright, move along so we can finish this Larry Byrd photo shoot for Pontiac.

Search the ground for changing road surfaces. Your bicycle reacts differently to each one. Loose gravel is slippery.

And pairs well with Merlot.

Bricks are bumpy.

These are the weirdest affirmations.

Adjust your speed to each surface to keep your bicycle under control.

Unlike that hot Irish temper of yours, Kellen.

[singing] Don't you... forget about me... [she raises a fist in the air]

I remember Jules et Jim being longer.

Yeah, Beverly J. Ruff was definitely not three dogs in a trench coat.

Servo

Ironically, I had to unfriend John L. Friend.

Richard B Long, Jeffrey B. Light, and I be done with this movie.

[as the family gathers around the breakfast table] Now, Steve is ready for breakfast, and father too.

Back from his other family.

Father is also careful about the food he eats. The sausage looks good...

But the eggs look worse.

[as the father takes a bite of the sausage, but grimaces] But it doesn't taste right.

And Cathy's missing three fingers!

So, he won't eat anymore of the sausage, it may be spoiled.

Right, Cathy?

Often we can tell if foods are good to eat by smelling or tasting them.

Or simply by asking them.

You should never eat food if you're not sure they are safe.

Cathy, did you wash your fingers before we cooked them?

The best way to get dirt and germs off your hands is to wash and scrub them well.

Preferably, 'til bloody.

Use lots of soap, and get in between the fingers, on the back of the hands, and on the wrists too. Get them clean all over.

Servo

Where have those wrists been?

You don't wanna know.

Using straws sealed in paper wrappers helps to keep dirt and germs out of milk.

Plus, it'll kill all four turtles.

Suppose you drop a cookie on the floor.

Servo

Five second rule?

Things that are dropped, you know, should be washed before eating, but how can you wash a cookie?

That's what spit's for!

Well, he'll just have to throw it out.

And burn the evidence.

Every television show begins with a title. Often, it's a card on an easel.

Whoa! Don't give away all the secrets!

... in the studio well before airtime, and each area is set up for the camera so that the program can proceed smoothly.

[during a shot of five cards on screen] They are beige to show off on your glorious color TV.

... in this table of grain samples, since our Better Breakfast story begins with cereal grains.

And ends with malt liquor.

Today's wide variety of ready to eat and hot breakfast cereals is made from these great grains.

I mean, they're fine...

Barley...

Servo

Barely.

Corn...

Which is better on the cob.

Oats...

Worthless without Hall.

Rice...

Servo

The pigeon exploder.

And wheat, or combinations of them.

Call me when you got sorghum.

The United States Department of Agriculture says cereal breakfast products are an important food use of the grains we grow.

And it's not a conflict of interest at all.

There are many different kinds of wheat...

Corn wheat, barley wheat, rice wheat...

And it is raised in a wide area.

Eat too much wheat, and you'll have a wide area.

Cereals are flaked...

Folded...

Granulated...

Servo

Spindled...

Puffed...

Mutilated...

Shredded...

Humiliated...

And rolled.

Servo

And thrown away!