Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Tennis is a form of war. A violent thing.

I thought it was a burning ring.

And in the middle of it all, the absolute center of attention is this...

Little shorts.

The tennis ball.

Scientific name: Tennius Ballias.

It lives in a hundred-mile-an-hour world.

Servo

Palm Springs?

Contact is extreme. Either brutal, or feather-light.

Like my marriage.

... so how does a ball get that way?

Practice.

How does such utter reliability come to be? When so many are produced, how can each one be so perfect?

Or so white?

The answer comes from machines...

Yaaay!

... and people.

Booo...

Oh...

... and a name. [the camera focuses on the Penn brand] A big one.

Penn!

The Phoenix facility with 100,000 plus square feet under roof is one of four such plants.

Wow.

Each all dedicated to one thing...

Balls!

Making the best tennis balls possible, as perfect as can be. Millions of them.

Servo

Millions of balls!

The other plants are in Jeannette, Pennsylvania, Jonesboro, Arkansas, and in Mullingar, Ireland.

[Irish accent] Ah sure, we like to hit balls back and forth with racquets in Ireland.

Constant checking assures, guarantees, absolute tolerances. Everything must be perfect.

Our nation's security depends on it.

Pellets, each identical, are placed in a mold. Many at a time. The mold closes, leaving an exact time and preset temperature to do the job.

[singing] Just another brick in the wall...

Minutes later, vastly changed, the former pellets emerge as sort of a blanket, ready for dye cutting to separate the perfect half spheres.

I'm learning a lot.

Variations in wall thickness, weight, and overall dimensions are infinitesimal.

Then we add the honey barbecue sauce.

At this stage, the balls are checked for size. Sizing is visual, electronic, and mechanical. A three-way proposition.

Uhhh...

Oversized, and undersized centers are screened and separated to find use as simple play balls, or other activities. Not tennis.

I never realized how much tennis has in common with eugenics.

Next, in drums, the balls are tumbled.

I'll tumble for ya...

Steam is introduced. Mold marks dissappear. The flat nap is raised and fluffed.

Servo

Now he's just making up words.

Yeah, right?

A lineup for printing, which adds something important. The name. Penn.

James Penn.

A final check, and the balls are inserted in the distinctive can. Penn. Known wherever tennis is played.

Like at Wimbledon or at Pfifer Middle School where you skinned your knee so badly you quit the team, remember, you LITTLE WHINER?!

The can, by the way, has a patented snap-off top designed to prevent cut fingers.

Ow! Ow ow ow...

It was introduced by Penn.

An employee named Penn, who has four fingers now.

When you think balls, think Penn.

Balls!

Some people go right to sleep, others take longer.

David eases himself to sleep by counting his sins.

239... 240... ah, 241... that was a good one.

You know, if you die in a dream, you die in real life.

[while David pulls out a big wrench and works on the propeller] No! Not like this, not today! I'm only nine! I never even finished that chapter I mentioned earlier!

Servo

Eh, still more reliable than flying with Spirit Airlines.

Dreams don't seem to make much sense, do they?

Nope!

[as David is seen sleeping again] That's because the brain is resting along with the body...

432, 433- oh, I did 433 twice. Gotta start over. 1, 2...

The alarm hasn't rung yet. David finds that he usually wakes up before it goes off.

Which is why you should always get up a full 30 minutes before you awaken.

You're never at your best until at least an hour or two afterwards. That's one reason why getting up early is so important.

Uhhhh... didn't this family used to have a baby?

There's plenty of time for breakfast, too. Breakfast is an important meal that shouldn't be missed. If you usually go to bed early enough, you usually wake up early, too. You can start the day in a pleasant, unhurried way. It's more fun for you that way and more fun for the rest of the family, too. David and Martha enjoy their mornings.

It's the last daylight they'll see before descending into the mines.

Joel

[David and Martha leave the table] "Well, gotta run, mom and dad, but this has been pleasant and unhurried."

Seriously though! This film started with a baby!

Finally! We get to learn how to forge money.

Anyway, here's, uh, Wonderworld. Today was gonna be the day that we're gonna reproduce with you...

Man, oh man, would you look at this one? She sure is beautiful...

But she doesn't even know I exist!

Well, this she happens to be a he.

Idiot.

You're looking at the male betta splenden, and he is one of the most beautiful fish you'll probably ever see. As you look closely...

Just look at that muddy brown.

... almost every color of the rainbow, sparkling in his sleek body, and flowing fins as he swims...

Bob's biting his knuckle right now.

Strange as it may seem, in the family of betta splendens, it's the father who cares for the babies, and raises a family.

Servo

A real Mr. Mom.

Father? What does the mother fish do?

She drinks.

Now, the Creator has given most wild creatures a strong instinct to protect their young, and mother mouthbrooder performs this task in such a remarkable way.

Magic!

Even though she has scooped up all of the eggs into her very large mouth, she will not swallow them. She keeps them in her mouth until they hatch into baby fish.

And will remind those children of her sacrifice for years to come.