Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Well, that's our health and nutrition television program, Better Breakfasts, USA.

It was immediately canceled.

Ah, you're here. Listen, I need you to snap-to. My mom's here and I promised to take over the world before pie is served. So uh... help me out, and I won't destroy you.

Mike

We'llllll think about it. Hey, it looks like you got a regular Playboy After Dark shindig going on there.

Yes, it's Frank. He invited them last April. Even in the afterlife, he mocks me.

So what is this, Star Trek: Voyager or something?

Oh no no, mother, this is my experiment. Remember when I shot a-

Art? Is that you?

Why Pearl, how good to see you!

Oh, Art, you rogue, it has been so long.

Ah, you're looking radiant, Pearl. Ten years younger since the scars were sanded off!

Oh, you charmer, you! So, you work with my spawn.

Yup. Pretty much run the place. [Servo clears his throat] Oh, these are the guys who work for me.

[not understanding] Oh, the fifth element! Maybe it's a movie about boron?

Tom

Oh I don't know, I only look at that chart periodically! He he!

Mike

So what's the story in this movie?

Mike, the real story is the signature Steven Spielberg "Scenes of people looking". Let's watch.

Tom

[Excited] Oh I know I will!

I'm the manager of the supermarket...

And also the town undertaker.

... and this is my son, Johnny.

It's his birthday, and he gets to spend two hours in the candy aisle.

In this room, packages of meat are made ready for selling. Since food must be kept very clean, the packages are carefully wrapped and labeled. They're covered with cellophane, and then sealed with a hot iron.

And a fresh slice of provolone.

You know, this is how Coldstone Creamery got started. They just reversed the process.

Each package is weighed, and the weight and price are marked on the label.

Servo

[as a butcher writes on a label] "Help, I'm being held captive in Mayfair Market."

Meanwhile, I check on some signs needed for tomorrow's sale.

Have you seen my son?

I tell my sign maker what the sale price will be. The signs will be used in the windows of the market.

I linger a bit longer to take in the smell of benzene.

This is my secretary...

Mom???

This work is all performed by silent robots.

Hmmm, must be nice.

Hey!

Johnny and his mother have completed and paid for their shopping. Today, Johnny's learned that a great many things go on behind the scenes at a supermarket.

Guys, I cannot wait for the next installment where they get bought out by a Trader Joe's.

Ooooh... pumpkin spice.