[After Natalie hands out Monk's business card]
You owe me 85 cents.
Fine. Take it out of my paycheck.
Don't think I won't.
How'd you get so cheap? Really?!?
I work for a living! All right? At least I used to. Now I just get bull kelp splashed on me!
S5Mr. Monk, Private Eye
[About his new office] Natalie, you can't afford this.
Actually, you're paying for it.
I can't afford this!
Oh yes you can. Remember last month when you got that bonus after solving the Kensington case?
No.
That's because I used it for a down payment.
Grown ups have a word for that. It's called "embezzlement".
S5Mr. Monk and the Class Reunion
Do you still have my invitation?
Oh, yes I do. [She pulls Monk's registration form out of her purse] "Adrian 'Captain Cool' Monk"? Who's Captain Cool?
[Strikes a Macho pose] Me. That was my nickname.
You were Captain Cool? Why?
Why do you think?
I don't know.
Why do you think?
I don't know!
Look, I didn’t write the invitation! Did I-
Okay! Okay! Well, uh, good luck, and I will see you here at seven o'clock. Okay? [She teasingly strikes a mirror image of Monk's pose] Captain. [She walks away]
[Randy is at his desk. He notices something and rushes into Stottlemeyer's office]
Captain? The lapel pin. I just remembered where I saw it.
When?
Just now at my desk.
No I mean... tell me about the pin, Randy.
Monk. He's been wearing the same pin all week for his 25th college reunion.
I think you're right. Did the victim go to Berkeley?
No, she worked there. She was a nurse at the university clinic for, like, twenty years.
But she didn't graduate, so this isn't her pin.
The killer.
[With realization] It fell off the killer... which means the killer is at the reunion... with Monk?
[Monk and Natalie are in the college cafeteria]
Well this looks delicious! So this is where you ate? I mean was this your "hangout"?
I don't know. Natalie, I-I-I think I've seen enough of this. Let's just go.
No! I'm not gonna let you go! You've been looking so forward to this!
I don't know what I was thinking. These people weren't my friends, okay? They don't even remember me! The truth is, I was invisible. It was Trudy they loved. I was always just "the guy with Trudy," just like you're "the girl with me". [Natalie stops]
Mr. Monk, why is your name on this spit-shield? [Cuts to a close-up of Monk's name on a small placard]
Well, when I was here, there was nothing protecting the food.
So you donated all of these? That was so generous of you!
Well actually, it was more of a lawsuit. Took up a lot of my spare time... [Dianne Brooks sees them and walks over]
DBDianne Brooks
Adrian! There you are. We've been looking for you! [Dianne notices Natalie and looks at her suspiciously]
Hi, I'm Natalie Teeger. [Natalie and Dianne shake hands]
DBDianne Brooks
Hi. Dianne Brooks.
I'm his assistant.
DBDianne Brooks
Oh! Oh, so you two aren’t... [She points between Monk and Natalie; Natalie smiles, amused]
No. [Laughs lightly]
Oh, no. No, no, no, no. No. No. Not... not... no.
DBDianne Brooks
Ok. Where are you sitting?
Uh, we're not...
DBDianne Brooks
Kyle and I are right over here. We saved you a seat. Fair warning - we brought a lot of pictures. [They start walking in that general direction]
See? You have a friend!
Not really. She was Trudy's roommate, freshman year.
But she saved us a seat!
Out of pity. These are what we call "pity seats".
Mr. Monk, come on! Let's have some fun! [Snaps her fingers] You said you were gonna show me your dorm room!
Well, it's right here. This is it, old #303. Uh-oh! Tie on the doorknob! A tie is wrapped around the doorknob] My roommate and I did the same thing, it's a code.
Yeah, I think I might know about that.
Yeah, it means, "Don't come in! I'm reorganizing my closet!" [Natalie stares at him incredulously]
Your closet?
Yeah. My roommate in freshman year, Greg, he reorganized his closet, 4-5 times a week.
Uh-huh, and did his girlfriend ever come over to help?
Oh yeah, all the time, they were real neat freaks. I used to tease them about it. "Neat freaks!" [Spots something in the student lounge] Oh my God. Oh... my... God! [Natalie moves aside] I... can’t... believe it! [They walk in] He’s still here. Hello, old friend. [Monk walks over to the refrigerator] Remember me? Oh, I knew we’d meet again. It is our destiny. [Puts his hand on the freezer door] Natalie, put your hand right there.
[Natalie puts her right hand on the freezer door]
You feel that? [Long beat]
No.
He’s afraid. Step back. Step back. [Pulls his hand into his sleeve] I’m going in. [Monk opens the freezer door, and they find the freezer totally frosted over. Natalie turns away, disgusted]
Why did he kill the nurse?
He had no choice! Katherine Rutherford read that note twenty-five years ago. It would have been made public, she would have recognized it!
My God, Mr. Monk, he could be doing it right now! [Stottlemeyer and Disher reach the registration station]
The registration sheets are all gone!
Oh!
Monk, do you have a cell phone number?
No.
Do you know where they stayed?
[Sighs, exasperated] Some hotel!
There are over 200 hotels in this city, Monk! It’ll take us over five hours to check them all!
Hold on. Hold on! [Rolls his shoulders forward a couple of times]
What’s he doing?
I don’t know. What are you doing?
The hotel where they’re staying. It was on their registration form.
Yeah? So?
When Dianne signed in... [flashback to Dianne filling her registration sheet out on Monk’s back] We were standing in line. She wrote... she wrote on my back. [Natalie smiles, realizing what Monk is doing]
Can he do that?
It's how he met Trudy! It’s his superpower!
Oh, there’s her name. Home address.
Okay, Mr. Monk, it was near the bottom.
She has terrible penmanship. Why did it have to be cursive? [Makes what almost appear to be spasms as he tries to remember what Dianne wrote] She ordered the prime rib, medium rare.
Keep going. It’s just below that.
Yeah, there’s an L, uh, L-E... Lexus! Is there a Lexus Hotel?
No that’s the car they drove, Monk!
Keep going. [Monk finally reaches the section with the hotel name]
There’s a “P”, “P”, No! “P”, “P”, “B”! “B”! “B”!
“B”?
It’s a “B.” It’s a “B.” It’s a “B.” “L.”
NCNatalie and Capt. Stottlemeyer
Bla…
“A.”
The Bla…The Blaza…
The Blaza! Plaza!
B-L-A…The Bla…The Blab…
The Blakemore Hotel!
It’s right up the street! [They take off]
S5Mr. Monk Gets a New Shrink
[After taking a bullet for Dr. Kroger]
Monk... Monk... Come here, closer... Beat that!
I'm Adrian Monk, here to see Dr. Sorenson.
RReceptionist
Fill this out.
It says to list your phobias.
RReceptionist
That's right.
There are only five spaces.
RReceptionist
You can use the back.
I might need another sheet. [She hands him another sheet] I might need another sheet. [She hands him another sheet] I might need another sheet. [She hands him another sheet, and repeats this a few more times]
Adrian, I cannot continue to practice anymore after today. The police think that one of my patients killed Teresa Mueller. I should have seen it coming. I didn't; I missed it. This is all my fault.
This isn't happening. This can't be happening.
Adrian, I promise you I'll get you another doctor. I'll call you next week.
Okay! So it's not true! You're not retiring! I mean, you can't because... He can't retire...
[To Natalie] This is step one in the grieving process: denial. [Monk comes back to Dr. Kroger]
Damn you, Charles! Damn you to hell! I hate you. I hate you! You are dead to me.
That's not denial.
No, that's step two, that's anger.
Okay. Okay, we're all adults here. We can work this out. I can hire you full time, all right? Put you on payroll.
This is step three, the bargaining. It usually doesn't go around this quickly.
Why me? Why is it always me? Everybody's always leaving me.
Depression?
Yeah, step four.
This can't go on. I mean, it's just too much. Okay, you're right. It's not the end of the world. I'll just have to find another doctor. I owe you so much. Thanks to you, I think I can get past this. Thanks, doc.
And finally, step five, acceptance.
Thank God that's over. [Monk walks over to another police officer]
He can't retire! The man can't quit because he's not a quitter.
Wait, what's going on?
I don't know. It's like he's starting all over again, like he's in a loop. [Monk peeps through the window blinds]
I HATE YOU FOR THIS, KROGER! YOU ARE DEAD TO ME! You understand me? DEAD!
I really should be heading home...
S5Mr. Monk Goes to a Rock Concert
Captain!
Captain, for the record, this was all her idea. I mean, I wouldn't be here if I couldn't drive or had anything else to do.
OK, I give up. What is it? [Natalie produces a check]
It's a $34 dry cleaning bill to clean the shirt and jacket that Mr. Monk ruined when he ran through the poultry farm to recover the ransom money in the Jimmy Creskow kidnapping case. What are you gonna do about it?
Try to ignore it.
No-no-no-no! We've already submitted this twice! It is a work-related expense, and we are entitled to compensation!
Not my idea.
Look, I couldn't agree with you more. I believe you guys are entitled to every dime you can get, but, there's nothing I can do about it. Lieutenant Disher is the Disbursement Coordinator.
Okay, where is he?
Uh, he's not here. He called in sick.
Is he okay?
You know, he didn't sound too good. He's got a bad fever and he's got a cough.
With that phlegmy flu thing? [Natalie waves her hands frantically to get Stottlemeyer's attention]
Okay-okay! When Randy is not here, who is in charge of payout?
That would be the Assistant Disbursement Coordinator.
And who is that?
' We don't have one. Is there anything else?
Nah, that about covers it.
[Stottlemeyer has received a phone call from his ex-wife]
[Laughs] My kid, my oldest, has skipped school, and Karen thinks he’s gone to a rock show.
Oh, I used to do that! Play hooky. Go to rock shows. [Natalie looks at him skeptically]
You did?
All the time.
Anyhow, I've gotta get up there and see if I can find him.
Okay.
Oh, you need some help?
Yeah, you know, I wouldn't mind. [Starts towards the door]
I'll come with you.
Are you sure?
Of course I'm sure!
I'm sorry! I just can't picture you at one of these!
What are you talking about? I used to go all the time. Get a bus into the city and see the Stones.
[Walking through the parking lot] Look at this mess! Oh for God's sakes, it's gonna take me all day to find him here! I'm gonna miss a whole day's work! An entire day! Gonna wring his little neck!
Captain, he's just a kid! Don't you just want to stay out here for a minute and calm down before you go inside?
Whoa, whoa, hold on! What kind of rock show is this?
It's the biggest festival of the year!
Festival?
[Laughs] Wait- wait- wait, Mr. Monk! You thought they were real rocks? Like a geology exhibit, like a museum?
Maybe. Perfectly understandable mistake.
No, not really.
Okay, well, no harm done. So, I guess I’ll need a ride home.
Monk, I’m not going home without my kid.
All right, look, I, I, I can’t... [A passerby bumps into Monk]
PPasserby
Move it!
I can’t do it! I, I can’t go in there!
Mr. Monk, come on! The Captain needs you!
But there's-- 10,000 of them, and not even one of me!
Okay, look, I understand, Monk. Why don’t you just go wait by the car?
Yeah, I’ll go wait by the car.
Okay, it’s gonna be a while!
Yeah, I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me. Take your time. But, but hurry back. But take your time. Hurry back. [Trails off; leaving Natalie and Stottlemeyer confused]
[Noticing Randy in the crowd, Stottlemeyer calls him from a few feet away]
[Feigning illness] Hello?
Hey, Randy. How ya doing, buddy? I-I was worried about you.
Captain?
Yep?
[Fake coughs] What time is it? [Long pause]
Oh, I'm sorry! Did I wake you up? [Pause] Hey, what's that music I hear?
Oh, [Fake coughs] it's my stereo. It's broken! I can't turn it down!
It's LOUD!
Listen, Captain, thanks for calling!
Sure.
I'm gonna get up now; make myself some soup.
Soup? Yeah soup is good; fluids are good. Drink plenty of fluids.
Fluids. Okay, thanks for calling, Captain.
Take care. [Randy hangs up, turns to a woman next to him and says]
My boss! [Stottlemeyer puts his hand on Randy's shoulder, and Randy spins around] Whoa. Captain.
Lieutenant.
Did you, uh, did you call in sick, too?
No, Randy. I'm looking for Jared.
Well, here's what happened with me: I was on my way to a doctor, and uh... I got nothing. Let's go find Jared. [Takes one last sip of his beer before putting it down and walking away with Stottlemeyer]
[Jared has caught the incriminating ball on top of the scaffolding for one of the speakers]
Good job, son. Give me the ball.
[Kedder climbs the adjoining ladder]
KKKris Kedder
No, don’t. Don’t you do it! He’s a cop. What’s your name?
JSJared Stottlemeyer
Jared.
KKKris Kedder
Jared.
Jared, this is very important! Give me the ball!
KKKris Kedder
Hey, man, you do everything the cops tell you? You know, I don’t. I like your shirt.
JSJared Stottlemeyer
Thanks, man.
KKKris Kedder
You play?
JSJared Stottlemeyer
Yeah!
KKKris Kedder
Me and you, we should jam sometime.
Jared! Listen to me! If he deflates that ball, we don’t have a case!
KKKris Kedder
Dude, he’s trying to set me up because of what I am, what I represent.
That’s nonsense, Jared! [Becoming desperate] You might not like me, but you know me!
KKKris Kedder
Hey. You don’t trust cops, do ya?
[Long pause]
JSJared Stottlemeyer
I trust this one. [Throws it to Leland]
KKKris Kedder
Don’t, don’t, don’t do it! [Randy handcuffs him]
Let's go.
KKKris Kedder
Punk!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.