[Monk sneaks into Randy's bedroom and disguises his voice as the motivational CD Randy is listening to, after turning it off]
Monk[In a low voice] Randy. You were right. Belmont killed your uncle.
Monk
Here’s what happened.
[Cuts to the sun rising on the horizon. Randy walks to the kitchen, where Monk and Oates are waiting for him]
Morning. Any coffee left?
Got a full pot. How’d you sleep?
Well, fine, I guess. [Randy goes to the fridge, and smells the cream] Ew, it’s sour. What kind of farm is this? We don’t even have any fresh cream! [He walks out of the kitchen. He slaps his head. Monk glances at him to see if Randy has figured out everything that was fed to him in his sleep]
Monk
Randy, what is it?
Mosquito. So, fill me in, what happened on Belmont’s farm?
Monk
Not much to tell. It was a dead end. How, how about you? Any new thoughts on the case?
No. [Suddenly, Randy stops with a surprised look on his face]
Monk
What? What is it?
No. It’s nothing. Wait! Wait. Wait a minute. Oh, my God. Oh my God! [Walks over and takes a figurine pig off one of the shelves] Oh, my God. Monk, call the sheriff. I think I solved the case.
[Randy gives the Monk-fed summation on how Belmont killed Harvey Disher]
It was a perfect alibi, and that is how you did it, Mr. Belmont.
DLDeputy Lenny Hatcher
Um, I’m not following.
Monk
Randy, I don’t think you’re quite done. You mentioned that part about the... [imitates sprinklers running] Ch-... (10x) Sprinklers.
Yes! I’m not done yet. The sprinklers! [In a black-and-white flashback, the sprinklers go on, and the salt licks that have propped up the rear wheels on Harvey's truck melt, and the truck rolls forward] At 8:00, the sprinklers kicked on and melted the blocks of salt. [The truck runs straight into the electric fence, causing several sparks from a short-circuit] Touchdown. [The lights in the dance hall flickers] When the lights flickered, you were half a mile in front of fifty witnesses. [Flashback ends] That’s the prettiest piece of homicide I’ve ever encountered. Where were you?
Monk
I... I guess I just... I don’t know.
I understand. You’re in a slump. Don’t worry. I’ve been there. Just give it time. You’ll be back.
DLDeputy Lenny Hatcher
It would explain a lot.
SMSheriff Margie Butterfield
It would explain everything. Including the deer: They were licking the salt.
JBJimmy Belmont
Now that is a nice story. See that’s all it is. [Advances on Randy to the point of getting in his face] Where’s your proof? Physical proof. You don’t have any, do you?
Monk
I think he’s right. [Randy suddenly has an epiphany]
Sheriff, do you have an evidence bag? Monk, your pen. [He takes both and walks over to the driver's side door of the truck] This truck was never touched or moved, right? [He uses the pen to remove the keys from the ignition, and then breathes air onto it, revealing a fingerprint] Yes. That’s a fingerprint. See that? [To Belmont] If this is your fingerprint, it means that you were the last person to operate that vehicle. Is that proof enough?
[Julie is seen teaching Monk about computers]
Okay, Mr. Monk, this is called a mouse.
Monk
I know that, I haven't been living in a cave.
And this is a mouse pad...
Monk
Wow! It is so rubbery!
[At the end, writing a letter to one of Julie's friends]
Monk
Dear Kimberly, I am sorry that I inadvertently sent the S.W.A.T. team to Kayla's slumber party and made you cry. I am sorry about the nightmares, it will never happen again. Adrian Monk.
Very good; this next one is for Allison.
Monk
[Begins writing] Dear Allison...
[A man is being pushed in on a stretcher, with bandages on his head]
Monk
HEY! I WAS HERE FIRST!
RReceptionist
He has a head wound.
Monk
I have a head wound!
RReceptionist
That is not a head wound, it's a nosebleed.
Monk
I happen to believe this very well might be a head wound.
Monk
It's possible—there's a chance—she's not crazy. I mean, she's crazy, but she might not be wrong.
[Marci trots towards him with her arms spread]
Monk
[Shrinking away] Clue hug?
[Marci's dead dog Otto is being framed for a murder]
MMMarci Maven
You're the detective, you figure it out! You do it all the time. The police have a theory and they think it's cut-and-dried, and then you come in and do your thing, like in "Mr. Monk and the Astronaut" or "Mr. Monk Goes Back to School"—oh, you remember that one?
Monk
No! Where are you getting these names?
[Last lines; Marci has sent her box of memorabilia back to Monk. He finds the troll doll]
Monk
Oh look, it's you. [Natalie finds the bobbleheads of Monk and Marci]
[As Marci] "Oh, Adrian, I adore you! You're so amazing!"
Monk
All right...
[As Monk] "Thank you, Marci. I think you have excellent taste. How would you like to be my new assistant? You can follow me around and worship me all day."
Monk
All right, it wasn't like that...
[As Marci] "And let's seal the deal with a great big clue hug! Clue hug! Clue hug! Clue hug!"
Monk
Cut it out, will you? I know it's you!
[Following him out of the room] "Oh, don't go away, I just want a little clue hug! Clue hug, clue hug, clue hug!"
Monk
[On the nudists] You defending them?!
Monk, this is San Francisco! There's a million weirdoes out there! Some of them are wearing clothes, some of them are not. And yes, I am defending them. That's what this means. [Pats his badge] We defend them. I spend a lot of my time, too much of my time, trying to keep bigotry and racism out of this department.
Monk
I am not a bigot--
Well, I don't know what else to call it, Monk! You wanna put this guy away for the rest of his life because he makes you uncomfortable. Look, you've always had issues. But this isn't just another quirk or phobia, like, uh, your fear of clowns or round things. This is different. This is new. And weird. And ugly.
Monk
First of all, I'm not afraid of round things--
Monk, you're a great detective. Look at it like it's a mystery. There's something going on here. Something's going on inside of you. Figure it out, detective. I don't wanna see you back here until you do.
[Monk, Natalie, Stottlemeyer and Disher have told Arlene Boras about why she killed her roommate]
ABArlene Boras
You don't have any...
...Proof? [Shows Peter Magneri's X-ray] Mr. Monk found this. It was behind the toilet.
Monk
[Grimaces] Behind your toilet!
[Monk and Natalie tell Randy about their suspicions about Linda Fusco]
Randy, what we're about to tell you is absolutely confidential; you cannot repeat it to anybody.
Monk
I think Linda Fusco killed her partner.
What? I can't believe that. There's no way, Monk.
Monk · 667 quotes
