“Mr. Monk and the Bad Girlfriend” · Season 6
In this episode: Adrian Monk (4), Natalie Teeger (4), Lt. Disher (2), Captain Leland Stottlemeyer (1)
[Monk and Natalie tell Randy about their suspicions about Linda Fusco]
Randy, what we're about to tell you is absolutely confidential; you cannot repeat it to anybody.
Are you in love with me?
What?! No!
I think Linda Fusco killed her partner.
What? I can't believe that. There's no way, Monk.
Am I in love with you?!
[Monk and Natalie are talking to Randy to see if he has any ideas on how to beat Linda Fusco's alibi]
Maybe she had a jetpack, like in those James Bond movies.
There's no such thing as a working jetpack. Don't ask me how I know.
Randy, do you have any ideas? One of your crazy theories?
My crazy theories, like what?
Like me being in love with you?
Oh, do you think that's crazier than Linda Fusco flying across San Francisco in a jetpack?
Too close to call.
[Pushes the button for the interrogation room speakers] Excuse me, could you fix the blinds, please?
I don't feel like it.
I wasn't asking you, ma'am, but I'm going to have to ask you to fix the blinds.
Who is that?
I'm with the FBI [Pause], in Washington D.C., [pause] watching you on my computer [Pause] screen.
Don't listen to him, ma'am, he is not in Washington...
Ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you to fix the blinds, and while you're at it pick up the Styrofoam pieces scattered about the room.
He is not a federal agent.
Yes, he, I am.
No, he's not! He's an ex-cop who hates himself, and hates his life, and isn't happy unless EVERYBODY ELSE IS AS MISERABLE AS HE IS!
Miss Hubbert, I'm sure you wouldn't want us to inform the school board about your little drinking problem.
How, how?
How?! We're the FBI, that's how!
Oh, for God's sakes, he can see the flask in your pocket!
And I'm sure you wouldn't want the IRS to know about your second job. You have been moonlighting as a waitress, haven't you? Have you been reporting all of your tips?
He's looking inside your purse! He can see your wad of singles! [Looks towards Monk and Natalie] Hey, hey! Mr. FBI-Man! Here. [Takes a shoe and smudges it against the glass pane of the interrogation room] What do you think of that?!
Leland, you can put this woman away for the rest of her life. Linda Fusco will still be guilty. [He and Natalie walk away]
[Linda is showing Natalie around an apartment]
Where's Adrian? I thought you two were always together.
Oh, he does something every Wednesday.
It's Thursday.
And Thursday. You know Mr. Monk, he can't just hang around. He has to go back and check his work.
[About Natalie's motorcycle] Where did you get that?
From a biker friend of mine. I did him a favor once.
What kind of favor?
Do you really want to know?
No.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
