Finn quotes from Misfits

Finn

[In community centre] Shit! He's cut me! I'm dying!

Alex

It's just a graze, man!

Finn

Oh' What' so YOU'RE a doctor now?!

Shut up!

Finn

Abbey, are you okay?

Abbey

I was so scared. Shit-my-knickers terrified. As he was about to kill me, I've never felt so alive.

Finn

[Comes in locker room to find Alex dying from being impaled by a harbringer] It's just a graze.

Jess

My bad. We need to get him to a hospital. I'm gutted we're all gonna die before I had the chance to find out what my story is.

Finn

I've had it up to here with you and your emotional honesty. Would it kill you just to sugar-coat it, just once?

Abbey

I'm sure we're all gonna be fine. Maybe not him.

Jess

There is one way to make them disappear.

Right, well, that sounds good. How?

Jess

If she dies, they die. It's her power.

Nadine

They're right.

No, they're not right. They're fucking... You're wrong.

Nadine

It's my fault. I brought them here.

No. No good. You're good and pure. D'you know what? I have exposed you to a world where people just shit all over each other, where they lie and they cheat... cowardly, selfish, violent, a world where fucking sperm dribbles out of vaginas and just splatters on the floor. You are a pure, white rose, you know that? In a sea of shit and piss. And I've defiled you and I've defiled your petals. I'm really friggin' sorry.

Finn

Moving speech, but where does that leave us and the situation of the Four Horsemen and the Apocalypse?

Jess

We go out there and we face them together.

Finn

Really? ls... Is that where we're at?

One for all, all for one, and a nun. My nun. My beautiful nun, who I love with all my heart, I swear.

Nadine

You'd really do that? You'd all die for me?

Finn

Looks that way. So, who goes out there first? Someone's gotta be first out the door.

I'm gonna go and get the straws.

Nadine

I'm really glad I met you.

What? [Nadine runs out locker room to four harbringers] Oh, no. No! [Harbringer plunges sword into Nadine] No! Nadine. Don't. No... Oh... [Four harbringers disappear and Rudy walks ahead sobbing] No. This isn't how it's supposed to be. Oh, no. I wanted an ET ending. [Sobs] Ohh... No... [sobs]

This is all wrong, this. I wanted me ET ending.

Abbey

At least we got some BMXs out of it. I always wanted a BMX. I just remembered that! I just remembered something. That's a clue. To what? To my true identity. Okay, think... BMX.

No, I'm still on ET, love, I'm sorry.

Jess

Hello? Is he okay? Jesus, um... I don't know his family. I know he's a barman. Yeah... I'm on my way. OK. Bye. [Hangs up]That was the hospital. It's Alex. He's got a punctured lung, they're giving him...

Finn

[Rides BMX into wall] Ah! They're giving him a lung transplant.

Shit! I'll tell you now, you don't wanna be getting a transplant round here.

Jess

Why's that?

Well, Curtis told me about this girl he was seeing this one time, right, and she had an heart transplant. She only ended up getting herself a teleportation power. And then she ended up getting killed by a guy who controlled cheese.

Jess

I'm sure Alex the sexy barman is gonna be fine.

What's the chance of it happening again, really?

[Scouts in the community center] Whoa! Scouts, dude! Yes! You're Scouts! These were the happiest, and proudest days of my life. Look at them!

Jess

You were in the Scouts? That should never have been allowed.

I swore. I swore a solemn oath to, you know obey the Scout Law, to to do me best, to do my duty to God and her lovely majestic majesty, the Queen. I lived by a code like a Samurai warrior.

Finn

Yeah, that's you all over.

And then they cast me out.

Abbey

And why were you cast out?

I don't want to talk about it. I will say this. A Scout is meant to walk an impossible line between his love of scouting and his raging hormones in the first flushes of sexual adventure. [A uniformed girl scout walks by] There are girls! You're a girl? Oh, shit! That is an unnatural abomination. That is not how Baden Powell intended it. Take that uniform off, you look like a dick! Shit. [Looks down] Is he still staring? He's really staring.

Jess

He's gone.

Look at 'em. Scouts... Scouts is a time for boys to be boys. You know, the... the first time I masturbated. Scouts. The first time I ever saw another boy's penis. Scouts. First time I touched another boy's penis. Scouts. First time another boy touched my penis.

Jess

Scouts?

It was in Scouts! It was in Scou... happy, sunlit days is what they were. [Referring to a female scout] Oh, my God. Look at this tramp.

Finn

Monkey cheese? ls... is that even a thing?

Monkeys give milk to their young. So, I guess you could make cheese out of it.

Greg

[Uses a fire extinguisher to bust open Abbey's locker and finds a pouch, dipping finger in to discover a powdery stubstance] Oh, hello.

Jess

[Appears with community servers] That's Abbey's locker.

Greg

Does this explain why that dewy-eyed my-little-fuckwit isn't turning up for her community service? She likes to rave, does she? She off her face in a field somewhere, dancing with the little bunny rabbits? [Hyperactively dances] Aceeed! A-a-a-aceeed! Aceeed! A-a...

Finn

[Raises index finger] It's sherbet.

Greg

[Walks up to community servers and sprays around powder, with Rudy coughing] Think of her as your child. This precious little life, those eyes... staring up at you. So full of love. Her mouth... puckered around your teat. I'm holding each and every one of you personally responsible for her. So when was the last time anyone actually saw Abbey?

Finn

[Greg walks up in hallway] Oh!

Greg

Are you and the big guy... are you still involved? Romantically?

Finn

No. We never were. Never were.

Greg

You shouldn't give yourself up so easily.

Finn

Okay! Er...

Greg

[Breaks off a Kit Kat bar stick and offers it to Finn] What do you say?

Finn

Thank you. [Takes stick and eats it]

Jess

What's up with you?

Finn

I think the probation worker fancies me.

Oh, for God's sake, Finn, you monkey-faced prick, does he heck!

Finn

I'm serious. I... I think he's in love with me. You should see the way he looks at me with his... with his hungry eyes.

Alex

Was he looking at you like this? 'Cause this is me thinking that you're a little twat.

Finn

Am I? Well, he gave me a finger of his KitKat.

Oh, dear God!

Finn

Just snapped it off.

Finn, it's the oldest trick in the book, you douche.

Finn

You don't underst...

Come on. Really? You just... You take the finger of the KitKat, you insert it up your anus, you give it to the unsuspecting victim, that's good times. It was a more innocent time, I'll have you know, when children were allowed to be bloody children. Thank you very much, judgy.

Finn

I smelt it. And either the probation worker's arse smells of chocolate, or... it hadn't been anywhere near his arse.

Alex

So what did you do with it?

Finn

Ate it.

Alex

Oh, God!

Fuck me!

Greg

[Appears in locker room] Hi.

Finn

Have you been drinking? Is that allowed?

Greg

It's the magic hour. I am no longer your probation worker. You are no longer on community service. [Walks to Finn with him walking backwards] We're just two people. With hopes. And dreams. [Starts singing The Power of Love (Frankie Goes to Hollywood song)]

Finn

[Greg following him in hallway] You've got it all wrong. I look gay. But I'm not.

Greg

Some would say dangerously boyish.

Finn

We are not lovers! There is no entwined, divine, divine!

Greg

[Follows Finn up stairs] Love is losing your job and your pension. Think. Think about that. [Pops open a shirt button]

Finn

What?

Greg

[Backs Finn against a wall] I am so full of love. I won't hide it any more. I can't. It's seeping out of me. [Leans into Finn] Out of my pores. It's... it's beautiful. It's pure. Smell my love.

Finn

Fuck off! [Uses power to send Greg flying over railing of upper floor in atrium, looks over] Are you okay? [Calls phone] Jess? It's me. I'm at the Community Centre. And there's a situation. So we're gonna need your car to move the situation. Call me.

[Walks in with Alex outstretched hand to Greg's body] What the...?! Finlay, what the fuck?! What've you done?! [Outstretches hands in dismay]

Finn

Nothing.

Alex

Did you kill the probation worker?!

Finn

No. And yes. It was self-defence. I told you he fancied me, but did yous listen? No! [Points] This is all on you!

What?!

Alex

No, it isn't!

Finn

Some of it's on you!

Alex

Not really.

Finn

A little bit!

Alex

No.

Alex

[Preparing to bury Greg whose body is in a wheelchair] Do you want to say a few words?

Finn

Er... thanks for the memories. [Dumps Greg's body into hole who groans awake with Rudy whacking Greg with shovel and falling back onto dirt heap] What are you doing?!

I'm fucking panicking, aren't I, Finn?!

Alex

Jesus! So you didn't check for a pulse, then?!

Finn

I'm not a doctor!

Dude, get in the fucking hole and check for a pulse!

Finn

[Jumps into hole then calls phone] Jess? I found the situation.

Jess

Where are you?

Finn

I'm sitting on the situation.

Jess

What situation are you talking about?

Finn

The probation worker situation.

Jess

The Abby situation. What's the probation worker situation?

Finn

He tried to fuck me. So I accidentally killed him. At least, I thought I'd killed him, but then Rudy hit him with a spade, so now... he might actually be dead. [Greg groans awake] No, he isn't! He's alive! He's alive again! What's the Abby situation?

Jess

She's taken an overdose.

Finn

Well, is she okay?

Jess

She's alive.

Finn

Right, good. Well, that's a start. Er...

Jess

You take care of that situation and we'll take care of this situation.

Finn

Okay, good, yeah. Yeah.

Jess

Er... Bye!

Finn

Bye. [Hangs up]

Jess

[Brings up Abbey] Okay. [Pokes Abbey's mouth who vomits]

[To Jess] Always liked you. It's raining. Your hair's so pretty... when it's wet. [Feels her hair]

Jesus Christ. The man's a fucking vegetable.

Finn

I tell you what's happened here. The storm. This will be something to do with the storm.

Alex

Really?

Finn

Yeah.

Alex

You think so?

Finn

Mm-hm.

Alex

Well, thanks for the heads-up, [[w:Miss Marple|Miss Marple.

Abbey

Maybe it's something to do with that superpower support group he's been going to.

Finn

So, what does he need with a support group, anyway?

Talking about your feelings, that's the first sign of weakness. You want to bottle that stuff up inside you, until it becomes one solid mass of anger and resentment. That's what my Uncle Peter did. Admittedly, he drank himself to death, but that's not the... point. [Answers phone] Hello?

Jess

He's hungry. Gammon and egg, and fish and... He wants gammon.

Well, I don't know. Get him some from a vending machine?

Jess

Okay, hurry up. You need to be the one dealing with this, not me.

Oh...

Abbey

[Holds up flyer to door] Guys, this is it.

[Walks up] Right.

Finn

What's the plan?

The plan is... we go in there and we ask 'em which one turned Rudy 2 into an old man.

Finn

Shit plan.

Is it?

Finn

If Rudy 2's a regular at this group, they're going to think you're him. Go undercover, pretend to be him and whoever did it'll be surprised to see you. They'll give themselves away.

[Snaps finger and points] That is genius. Here's what I need, right? I need a beard. I need some glasses. I need a pipe. I want a cloak. Get me a staff of some kind.

Finn

You need to look like Rudy 2, otherwise they're not gonna think you're him.

This guy, eight GCSEs. [Zips up jacket] Let's go undercover. [Walks down long stairs and opens door to warehouse]

Rudy 2. How are you doing?

I would imagine you're... quite surprised to see me, guy.

Not really. Um... you always come on a Tuesday.

Let's just say that old habits... die hard. Old... habits.

Finn

I'm Finn. [Shakes hands with Stuart]

Nice to meet you. Hi.

Oh, don't worry about me. I'm just here for the biscuits.

Cheers.

Finlay.

Finn

What was all that with the fucking milky nipples?

What was the plan, Finn? Can you remember it? The plan was, we don't tell anyone what our real powers are.

Finn

That was nothing to do with the plan.

Was it not?

Finn

No!

Now, listen to me, dude, seriously. Someone here knows something about Rudy 2. I suggest we just split up.

Finn

Yeah, I think we should just... [Rudy walks to support group circle] fuck off!

So, what's your power?

Finn

Teleke...

Milky nipples.

Hmm?

Milky nipples. 'Cause every time he tells a lie, he just expresses milk from his nipples. It's ridiculous, and he's very embarrassed about it. Now, you're going to have to excuse us, cos we do have other people we need to speak to. [Slaps Stuart on left shoulder and walks past him]

You don't have to be embarrassed. About your, um, your power.

Finn

What about you? What's your power?

Me? Ah... It's, uh, complicated. I don't really like to talk about it.

Finn

It's all right. You don't have to if you don't want to.

The thing is other people make certain assumptions about my [clears throat] sexuality, and...

Finn

What, they think you're gay?

Yeah, yeah, I guess they do.

Finn

And... Are you gay?

No- [he disappears into thin air and then appears in a closet and walks out] Now you know.

Finn

Fuck off! You're... You're literally trapped in the closet? [Laughs] How funny is that?! [Stuart gives him a look] And also very serious and quietly poignant.

Yeah.

Finn

Actually, I've got a friend who can take powers.

How does he take powers? How does it work?

Finn

I'll let him fill you in on the details. Oh, you're gonna love him. His name's Alex. He's on community service.

[In locker room] Finlay? [Whispers] Check your messages. Might find a little... present there.

Finn

What is it?

Check it out. Enjoy.

Finn

God. Is she taking a shit?

She's taking the Mother Teresa of all shits, dude.

Finn

Her face is all contorted! What the fuck?

Finn

I know! It's enough to put you off her, isn't it? Ugh, I can't watch... oh, my God!

Consider yourself cured of your childish infatuation.

Jess

Why have you sent me a video of Jess taking a shit?

Eh?

Jess

Yeah, I got one of those, too. I thought it was one of those e-greeting cards.

Are you fucking kidding?

Jess

God.

Shit! [Runs out front door to lakeside promenade to Jess on her phone and knocks her phone sending it flying out of her hand into the lake] Morning! Good morning, Jessica!

Jess

What the fuck are you doing? That's my phone!

Yeah, I know. I've only gone and bloody liberated you. Freed you from the tyrannies of freakin' texting. You free now? Just take off your shackles. Get rid of 'em. Throw it in there. [in sing-song] Free Nelson Mandela, Shoes too small to fit these feet. [Speaking normally] He should have gone to Clarks. They do have a bit of a wider fit.

Jess

You're paying for a new phone.

What do you mean? You don't have insurance? Bloody hell. Well, some people might call that a bit irresponsible. You know what I mean? [Jess gives him a look] Not me, I think it's adorable. I call it adorable.

Jess

I call it not having a fucking phone. [Storms off]

Adorable! Fuck!