NathanAre you all right?
No, I'm not all right, you prick. I'm bald!
Nathan
I've got your cap... and your wig.
I don't want you to see me like this.
Nathan
All right, listen, I'll close my eyes. I'm gonna throw them down, OK?
Keep them shut. Don't look!
Nathan
So, I thought that whole moving-the-bodies thing went pretty well, you know, considering.
If you laugh at me, I will kick the shit out of ya.
Nathan
I'm not gonna laugh. Who's laughing?
Nathan
So... what's with the baldness?
This morning, I was in the shower, and me hair started falling out.
Nathan
What did the doctor say?
They don't know. They're gonna have to send me for some tests.
Nathan
So what are we talking about here? Are we talking about upstairs and down?
Nathan
You know? Do you have a bald fanny? [Kelly starts pushing and slapping him] Oh! For fuck's sake!
Nathan
[To the guys] Oh, get the bodies! [Throws a brick on Sally's windshield]
What the hell are you doing?!
Nathan
It's just pure, mindless vandalism!
What is the matter with you? Are you mentally deficient?!
Nathan
If I was mentally deficient, I would have missed. Check that out. Bull's-eye!
They are gonna think the probation worker is still alive. I stole his credit card. I used it to book a flight.
You're dead good at stuff like that.
Nathan
Yeah! Nice one, weird kid.
We should all go out for drink, you know, to celebrate. It's like an ironic "fuck you" to the probation worker. We're all out having a good time - you're buried under the foundations of an environmental monitoring station.
[Walking through door to locker room] Oh, my God! That is such a shamer. [Sees Nathan reenacting sex scene with mimicking masturbation gestures]
Do you think he's told the others?
Nathan
Bashing himself out of it.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure he told 'em.
Nathan
And she was totally clicking the mouse off herself, man.
Nathan
They were just, like, really face-to-face. He was wanking, she was flicking her own bean, right in each other's face.
Nathan
Work that bean! Work that bean,
Nathan
Kelly, my love! Oh! Er, hi.
Shut up. You enjoyed it, you pervert. [To Simon] What? Do you want to have a look too?
Nathan
Can I have another look?
Does anyone actually know what he got done for?
Says it was for eating pick 'n' mix.
Are you two, like, together?
Yeah, I guess. It's weird, yeah? Cos of my bullshit power thing, we don't actually have proper sex. We just stare at each other and wank ourselves off. But it is really special.
Nathan
[Using trash pick uppers to violate Simon] Come on. It's not gay 'cause we're not touching. All you want to do is get down to it and you can't, cos...
[Community servers walk out door and walks up to Nathan] Hi.
[Walking on] That's really disgusting.
Nathan
It's not fucking disgusting.
A few days ago. It's good to see you.
[Crouching besides vehicle in parking garage to Nathan walking by] Oh, hey, Nathan, I need your help!
Nathan
Do I know you? [Pause] Are you taking a shit?!
Nathan
There is a guy over here taking a shit!
Nathan
Like me to grab you some toilet paper?
Nathan
How do I know you again?
You don't. I thought you were someone else. Jog on. Go!
Nathan
Have a good one. [Walks away]
BBeverly (the manager)
Excuse me, you can't just help yourself to anything you fancy. This is not a buffet, that's theft. I could have you arrested for that.
Nathan
Really? For eating some pick 'n' mix?
BBeverly
You're paying for the sweets in your mouth and for that drink.
Nathan
Beverley. Isn't that a women's name?
BBeverly
Pay up and leave.
Nathan
Haha, Beverley. That's brilliant. Why did your parents give you a girl's name?
BBeverly
This is your final warning.
Nathan
Maybe you were born with both sets of genitalia. You know like a chick with a dick.
BBeverly
[Into a walkie-talkie] Can I have security to the concession stand?
Nathan
But I’m guessing your parents wanted a boy so they kept your cock and sewed up your clunge.
BBeverly
You’re coming with me.
Nathan
[Screams into Beverly's walkie-talkie while being apprehended by Beverly on floor] I’m being assaulted by a chick with a dick! Help me! They sewed up his clunge! They sewed up his clunge!
BBeverly
I was like you when I was younger. I thought I knew everything. I was a right cocky little arsehole.
Nathan
And look where it got you! You've got the big office, you've got a staple gun... you're living the dream, man!
BBeverly
You think you're better than all this?
Nathan
I know, I'm better then this. Because Bev, if I'm not, I'll probably have to kill myself.
BBeverly
You haven't got a clue.
Nathan
Beverley, I don't want him paying for it.
You want him to call the police, do ya?
Nathan
Yeah, I do actually. Bev, call the police.
Yeah, you heard him man? C'mon, call the police.
Nathan
Call'em. ...Are you still here? [Mike leaves] See ya dad, let's do this again sometime it's been really special.
MManager
You and your dad seem close. [Laughs]
Nathan
Oh shut up Beverley. [Uses the staple gun on one of Beverley's hand]
Nathan
[Sneaks up on Simon filming other community servers on steps] Pervert! What are you doing? [Snatches Simon's phone and films adjacently]
Come on, we'll do an interview. [Chuckles] First question. Have you ever had sex with a piece of fruit?
Second question. Was it a melon? [Simon lunges at Nathan wrestling back phone] Ah, he's trying to kiss me! He's trying to kiss me!
Give him his phone back, you prick.
Nathan
Ow, stop hitting me! Have your little toy. [Flips v-sign] Melon-fucker!
This is your chance to talk about community service.
So do you think that you have learned anything?
Fine... how do you think you have changed?
Nathan
I think I'm taller.
[Repeatedly] They graffiti and we clean it off. What is that about?
[Answers phone] Ooh, hello?
Nathan
[sings] Raff in the jungle, innit in the jungle! Raff in the jungle, innit in the jungle! Raff...
You're fuckin' lying! [Laughs]
Do I look like I'm some kind of fuckin' knob? Do I?
It's not easy, being you, is it?
I mean, how do you get along with the others? It must be hard. You're not like them. You're more... mature.
[Sweeping floor with bifurcated sweepers with Nathan] Why has he been in there longer than the rest of us?
Nathan
He's obviously making more progress. He's such a little arse-kisser.
So have you thought about what you want to do when this is over?
Would you like to go to college or get a j...? [Nathan gibbers at office window using sweeper to allude to cunilingus with tongue motions] He's such a twat. Sorry, that was really unprofessional.
So, what do you like doing? Come on, there must be something.
I like making videos, editing them together and that.
Really? Well, I have a friend who runs an editing suite. I could ask him about some work experience for you, if that's what you're interested in.
There's no need to look so shocked. I'm not that bad, am I?
I should do some work. [Simon walks to door] Thank you.
It's nice there's someone I can actually have a conversation with.
We never did find out who was putting notes in our lockers.
Nathan
What did I say? I said they had nothing. They were just pissing in the wind.
You don't know what they got on us.
Maybe they're watching us right now.
Nathan
This shit is old news. We have outfoxed the fox, which makes us very bloody foxy. [To Kelly] You like that, huh? Yeah.
Misfits · 556 quotes
