Mike quotes from Misfits

Don't be a wanker.

Nathan

Thanks for the fatherly advice. It makes me feel all warm inside.

Nathan

Beverley, I don't want him paying for it.

Mike

You want him to call the police, do ya?

Nathan

Yeah, I do actually. Bev, call the police.

Mike

Yeah, you heard him man? C'mon, call the police.

Nathan

Call'em. ...Are you still here? [Mike leaves] See ya dad, let's do this again sometime it's been really special.

You and your dad seem close. [Laughs]

Nathan

Oh shut up Beverley. [Uses the staple gun on one of Beverley's hand]

Mike

Why did you hit me?

Nathan

Because I panicked, alright? Don't make a big deal out of it!

Tell him.

Nathan

Okay, look. I know it's too late for me and you. I get that. I've known you didn't give a shit ever since you left me in IKEA with that paedophile!

Mike

What paedophile?!

Nathan

My eighth birthday! IKEA? The guy with the Swedish meatballs?

Mike

I don't remember that!

Nathan

How very convenient.

Mike

It's just the thing about the guy that was seeing your mum, uh, you said was trying to, uh, sexually abuse you!

Nathan

No, no, no, I made that up! This is something else! IKEA paedophile! Jesus, meatballs!

Nathan

This isn't about who was or wasn't trying to sexually abuse me, right? It's about you and Jamie. Look, so I'm pretty much a complete write off. That's fine! Whatever...

Mike

Nathan...

Nathan

And so he hit you with a toaster, and kidnapped you, but you know what they say? Don't fuck a wounded bear!

Mike

Jamie's dead!

Nathan

[Scoffs] He's standing right there!

Mike

What? He's dead, son! He was in a car. It caught fire. I've just had to go and identify his body. [telephone rings] Look, this is his mother. I've gotta talk to her.

Nathan

You're dead?

Yeah.

Nathan

So how come I can see you?

I guess it's 'cause you're immortal?

Nathan

No, no, this isn't happening! No, no, no, I can fix this! How do I fix this?

You can't.

Nathan

I don't want you to die, mate!

It wasn't down to you. So don't go all mental about it. To be honest, it's not so bad!

Nathan

So, if you're dead, what am I doing here, exactly?

I wanted you to sort things out with dad.

Nathan

Look, no offence, but I think it's gonna take more than you dying to fix years of resentment, missed birthdays and all that dysfunctional bullshit, but it was a lovely thought!