Sally quotes from Misfits

Sally

[On phone] You're saying Tony's walking round using his credit card. [Laughs] So why has no-one seen him? Because it's not him! Someone's stolen it. Look, if you're not going to do anything, then I will.

Sally

[Drives up besides Simon] I thought that was you. D'you want a lift? I'm offering you a lift, Simon. It's not illegal. [Opens passenger door] Get in.

Nathan

[Social worker Sally walks in with Jodi] Who's that?

Kelly

It's a girl I had a fight with. I got to do some restorative justice bollocks with her.

Nathan

[Raises hand like a bodybuilder] Hey, Bono, yeah?

Sally

What?

Nathan

I don't know why I bother.

Sally

Jodi's here. Come on.

Ben

[Alisha's holding up a dress] Suits you.

Sally

[To Kelly sitting far apart from Jodi on a couch in office] So, have you anything you'd like to say to Kelly?

I've got nothing to say to her!

Sally

Kelly, would you like to tell Jodi why you hit her?

Kelly

Yeah, 'cause if you go around saying someone's a slag, you're gonna get a slap. [Jodi sucks teeth] Is there something up your teeth?!

Sally

Okay, how are you two going to resolve this? [Nathan rollerskates past office window doing a sustained singing note with Kelly amused and Sally opens office door] Take the roller skates off! And the goggles! Take them off!

Nathan

Ah, this is bullshit. We're never gonna be mates!

Kelly

I heard you and Darren broke up.

Yeah.

Kelly

I heard he dumped yah. What's that about?

What is it you?!

Sally

Let's keep things friendly!

Kelly

You're better off without him. He's a rat faced glue sniffer.

Sally

Kelly.

Are you sayin' he's got a rat face?!

Kelly

Yeah, he's a proper ratty.

[Stands up] Don't even be talking about him?!

Kelly

[Stands up] What'd you care?! 'Cause he dumped yah! [Flicks off Jodi's hat who punches Kelly who headbutts Jodi]

Sally

Kelly!

[Mindread by Kelly] You see how it feels, bitch! [To Sally manhandling her out of office] She's getting life! She headbutt me!

Sally

Just get out!

You slut whore!

Sally

Just calm down!

Kelly

[Throws chair out of office] Shut up, you twat!

Sally

Kelly!

Kelly

I was trying to be nice! [Voice of thought] Yeah, I had an attitude.

Curtis

I think that went pretty well.

Nathan

[To the guys] Oh, get the bodies! [Throws a brick on Sally's windshield]

Sally

What the hell are you doing?!

Nathan

It's just pure, mindless vandalism!

Sally

What is the matter with you? Are you mentally deficient?!

Nathan

If I was mentally deficient, I would have missed. Check that out. Bull's-eye!

Sally

Tony. [He starts kicking a pole] Tony! Stop it, stop it. It's a car. It's insured.

Tony

Your engagement ring was there!

Sally

You were gonna propose to me?

Tony

Yeah.

Sally

Can I still say yes?

Sally

[Searching lockers] He's got Tony's credit card. It was in here.

Why did you put it back?

Sally

You need to catch him using it- it's evidence against him.

Sally...

Sally

It's here somewhere.

Even if we catch him using it, it doesn't prove he murdered Tony.

Sally

How else would he have got it?

Maybe he found it. The most we can do him for is fraud. Sally, stop. He'll know someone's been in there. [Grabs her] Sally! You keep this up, you're gonna lose your job. I know this is difficult.

Sally

He's got Tony's credit card.

I'm sorry. It's not enough.

Sally

This is your chance to talk about community service.

Alisha

It's... bullshit.

Sally

So do you think that you have learned anything?

Curtis

Yeah. Don't get caught.

Sally

Fine... how do you think you have changed?

Nathan

I think I'm taller.

Kelly

[Repeatedly] They graffiti and we clean it off. What is that about?

Alisha

[Answers phone] Ooh, hello?

Nathan

[sings] Raff in the jungle, innit in the jungle! Raff in the jungle, innit in the jungle! Raff...

Alisha

You're fuckin' lying! [Laughs]

Kelly

Do I look like I'm some kind of fuckin' knob? Do I?

Sally

It's not easy, being you, is it?

Simon

What do you mean?

Sally

I mean, how do you get along with the others? It must be hard. You're not like them. You're more... mature.

Kelly

[Sweeping floor with bifurcated sweepers with Nathan] Why has he been in there longer than the rest of us?

Nathan

He's obviously making more progress. He's such a little arse-kisser.

Sally

So have you thought about what you want to do when this is over?

Simon

I don't know.

Sally

Would you like to go to college or get a j...? [Nathan gibbers at office window using sweeper to allude to cunilingus with tongue motions] He's such a twat. Sorry, that was really unprofessional.

Simon

He is a twat.

Sally

So, what do you like doing? Come on, there must be something.

Simon

I like making videos, editing them together and that.

Sally

Really? Well, I have a friend who runs an editing suite. I could ask him about some work experience for you, if that's what you're interested in.

Simon

Yeah.

Sally

There's no need to look so shocked. I'm not that bad, am I?

Simon

No.

Sally

I should do some work. [Simon walks to door] Thank you.

Simon

For what?

Sally

It's nice there's someone I can actually have a conversation with.

Simon

Thanks.

Sally

[Driving with Simon] So what's going on with Curtis and Alisha? Oh, come on. I'm not blind. Are they seeing each other?

Simon

I suppose so.

Sally

Well, Alisha's a very beautiful girl, isn't she? So what else do you lot get up to when I'm not around?

Simon

Nothing.

Sally

Really? It's okay. I'm not sure I wanna know, anyway. [Pulls up to Simon's house] So are you up to anything exciting this evening?

Simon

I'll probably just go online. How about you?

Sally

I'll watch some television, get an early night. God, I sound boring.

Simon

I don't think you're boring.

Sally

Thanks.

Simon

See you tomorrow.

Simon

[Chatting online] I think she is lonely.

Are you lonely?

Simon

Yes.

Then go for it. Ask her out.

Simon

[Brings drinks at a wine cellar bar] They asked me if I wanted small or large. I said large.

Sally

You trying to get me drunk?

Simon

No.

Sally

I'm joking. Maybe I should get you drunk.

Simon

Why?

Sally

Because I reckon you're quite cute when you're drunk. [Man walks by with head turned to them] Who's that?

Simon

I went to school with him.

Sally

A friend?

Simon

He lives next door to me. He stopped speaking to me when we started secondary school.

Sally

Did he give you an hard time?

Simon

Every morning when I woke up I felt sick just thinking about him. I told my parents and the teachers. They knew it was happening. No one did anything.

Sally

Was it his house you tried to burn down?

Simon

A few months ago, he sent me a text inviting me to this club. I thought he wanted to apologize. I get to the club, I walk up to him and his mates. He texted me by mistake. It was so humiliating.

Sally

Simon...

Simon

I was so angry, I... I got drunk. I started thinking about everything he did to me at school. I lost it. I went round to his house. I made sure his family were out. I soaked some tissues in lighter fluid. I lit them and dropped them through the letterbox. There was a cat.

Sally

A cat?

Simon

Inside the house. I thought, "The cat didn't bully me at school. "He hasn't done anything." The carpet was just starting to catch alight. The cat was freaking out.

Sally

What did you do?

Simon

I put the fire out.

Sally

How?

Simon

I pissed through the letterbox. [Her smirks grows] This is when his mum comes home. She starts screaming. You know what it's like once you've started. It's hard to stop. [She is giggling] It's not funny. Sorry. [She is laughing] I'm sorry. [Simons smiles with her]

Simon

I can't let you go to the police.

Sally

Simon, you don't owe them anything.

Simon

They are the only friends I've got.

Sally

[Appears to Alisha at rooftop edge] Hurts, doesn't it?

Alisha

Why are you doing this?

Sally

You killed Tony. I want Simon to know how it feels to lose everything. And I want him to know that you died hating him. [Grabs Alisha and leans her over rooftop edge with her screaming]

Tony

[Rushes onto rooftop with community server] Sally! Don't do this. Let her go.

Sally

They killed you!

Tony

It was the storm. Turned me crazy. You always said I had a temper. I attacked them. I would've killed them. It was self-defence. This isn't why you're here. You're not here for revenge. Let her go. I have missed you so much.

Sally

[Rushes forward to Tony] I never thought I'd see you again! [Embraces him in a kiss and they disappear]

Simon

I didn't have sex with her.

Alisha

I saw you.

Simon

I- I kissed her. I thought I had to because I killed her. As I was kissing her, all I could think about was you. I never want to be with anyone else. Kissing her only made me realize how much I love you. I couldn't go through with it. [Hugs her]