M*A*S*H · Season 7
What is this idiocy about?
Your spy ring.
Spy ring?
Very clever, hiding under a house of cards while you plot the overthrow of the free world.
He's got us, guys, we might as well confess. I'm Joe Stalin. Mao Tse-Tung, Marshall Tito, and, of course, you already know Lenin. What can I say, we couldn't get a room in the Kremlin.
Flagg, put that thing down! I don't know how your nimble brain cooked up this goofy plot, but you just bought yourself a peck of trouble!
Says the ringleader!
Do you have any idea who these two gentlemen are?!
I'll get to that when I'm ready. All right, who are you?
I am Doo Pak.
The mayor of Ouijongbu!
And this is his baby brother, Hung Pak, Chief of Police!
It doesn't add up. The map, the evidence.
You, of all people, should know never to trust a North Korean.
Flagg, you'll pay for this, right through your twitchy nose!
I got a lot of big contacts at I-Corps. They'll fix your wagon!
I see it now! This is bigger than all of you! This is a major conspiracy, and I will get to the bottom of this, even if I have to go right to the top!
Sometimes when a man's anxious to stick out a glad hand, it's because he's got something up his sleeve.
BJ (to Hawkeye): You may have treated a symptom, but the disease lives merrily on.
Has anyone explained to you the philosophy of Rosie Land?
No, but someone wanted to use my underwear for a flag.
Oh, that would be our Secretary of the Interior.
This isn't one of my sermons. I expect you to listen!
[Dancing with nothing] No Charles, you can't cut in.
B.J, I hate to interrupt you in mid-debauch, but I'd like a word with you.
[Potter just un-gagged Charles after Hawkeye and BJ tied him up]
Colonel, I... [he gags, then starts again] I was raised in a gracious and civilized atmosphere. I was taught the Golden Rule, and with the exception of some few business dealings, I have learned to live by it. However, in this case, I want these vermin HUNG! I want them buried in anthills, their bodies smeared with honey!
Easy, Major.
I want them drawn and quartered, and I want the pieces arrested!
[telling a nurse about Rosie Land] We're a simple country, where man's only obligation is to love his fellow woman. So what do you say, you wanna be a patriot and love me back? [the nurse walks away] Turncoat!
Got anything to smoke?
[handing him a cigar] Special today. Two bits.
It's on me.
It's got teeth marks in it.
It's a demonstrator model.
How can I eat that and look my mouth in the face?
I hate the army. Usually, I just can't stand it. But this is different: this is hate.
Oh sir, thank goodness you're here, or else I wouldn't have found you here.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
