Henry Blake quotes from M*A*S*H

Henry, are you sitting down?

Henry

[stands up] No, sir.

Maybe you better.

Henry

[sits down] Yes, sir.

Hawkeye

Is he giving you calisthenics over the phone?

Henry

It's bad enough that she's having a baby and I can't be there with her!

Radar

Well at least you were there for the important part.

Henry

There's nothing wrong with Klinger. I mean, he goes out with girls.

Captain Hildebrand

Must be stealing their clothes.

Henry

You were ordered to stand down!

Hawkeye

I did, but I fell up again.

Hawkeye

[regarding the requisition of the incubator being denied] We're not asking for a jukebox or a pizza oven.

Oh, those I can let you have.

Henry

No kidding! Hey, those would be great on movie nights. You got any pizza requisition forms?

Just use the standard S stroke 1798 and write in "Pizza" where it says "Machine Gun".

Hawkeye

Thank, you Colonel. Sorry, Captain. Sorry, patient, you have a temperature of 109 stroke 10. I'm afraid you can't have an incubator but you can have a pizza with everything on it to go. Unless, of course, you go first.

Henry

Let's stay on the ground, shall we, Pierce?

Hawkeye

[to Sloan] Does the book allow us any ground, Captain? Otherwise I'm afraid I'll have to ask you all to take a step up.

Into Limbo!

Hawkeye

No, you can't have any Limbo. In fact, you can't have - anything - stroke nothing, which is not approved by STATQUOPAC. Which is enough to make you reach for AIRSICKBAG.

Henry

Well everybody, happy days, stroke cheers.

Henry

Holy cow! (Reading charges) "Insubordination! Conduct unbecoming officers! Violations of Articles 13 through 27 with a repeat on 26!"

Hawkeye

That must be altering salute by placing thumb on nose.

Henry there's something you should know about those charges.

Hawkeye

Yes. We're guilty.

Henry

I'll tell you what else you are: Your under arrest. General's orders.

Hawkeye

Swell. What do we tell the casualties? We only operate on visiting days?

You gonna lock us up Sheriff?

Henry

If you guys didn't outclass every bit of surgical talent in Korea, your tails would have been in handcuffs a long time ago.

Hawkeye

Henry its no crime, or it shouldn't be for doctors to try to get decent medical equipment.

Henry

Did you really yell "Give me an incubator or give me death"? Wow. Did you really call a one-star general a "NINCOMPAC"?

Henry Blake

Radar, what's going on?

Radar

It's a patient, sir. He blew his cork.

Hawkeye

Sidney, front and center.

Sidney

I'm not going out there without a bulletproof couch!

Henry Blake

Okay the first thing people do in a situation like this is panic.

Hawkeye

Well I think I'm doing it in the right order.

Henry

Uh, that, uh, scotch you just poured is rye.

Margaret

That's OK, the champagne I just had was gin.

Henry

Why don't you call me Henry, for Pete's sake.

Margaret

[drunk] That's really swell of you, Pete.

Can I get you something, sir?

Henry

You bet. I'm dying for a banana daiquiri.

Is that a drink?

Henry

Sure. You just take some bananas, some rum and some cream, and you mix it all in a blender.

We got no bananas, no blender, and powdered cream.

Henry

Okay, I'll have a beer.

Henry

I can't believe it. I couldn't wait till she got here, and now I'm glad she's gone.

It's for the best, Henry.

Hawkeye

Yeah. If you had sucked your gut in one more time, your belly button would have fallen out your backside.

Henry

Don't tell me. I don't want to know about it. You guys have my full permission, and I never said that. I mean, I'm not even here, so how could I? Radar!

Radar

Sir?

Henry

Make an entry in the daily report that I wasn't here today, and bring it to me so I can sign it.

Radar

Uh, sir, if you sign it, it'll show you were here.

Henry

Then you sign it for me.

Radar

Yes, sir. Should I sign your name?

Henry

You'll have to, because I'm gonna say it was a forgery.

Henry

According to Regimental, the fighting shifted to the north and we won't be getting any casualties.

Hawkeye

That's the same Regimental that said to Custer, "One last stand and then you can go home."