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S9

M*A*S*H · Season 9

“Death Takes a Holiday” quotes from M*A*S*H

4 quotes

“Death Takes a Holiday” · Season 9

In this episode: Charles Winchester (3), Maxwell Klinger (1), Margaret Houlihan (1)

(after a Korean foster father confesses to selling Charles' gifts on the black market to buy food for his children) No, it is I who should apologize. It is sadly inappropriate to give dessert to a child who has had no meal.

It never fails to astonish me. You're alive, you're dead. No drums, no flashing lights, no fanfare. You're just dead.

Deny it! Deny it if you can! You took the Christmas candy I gave you and sold it on the black market. Have you no shame?!

CSChoi Sung Ho

May I explain?

No! What you can do is retrieve that candy immediately and have it in the children's stockings by morning! Otherwise they're going to find you hanging by the chimney without care!

CSChoi Sung Ho

Major, I cannot. The money is gone.

[aghast] You...parasite!

CSChoi Sung Ho

Please. Your generous gift, and your insistence that it remain anonymous, touched me deeply. The candy would have brought great joy to the children, for a few moments. But on the black market, it was worth enough rice and cabbage to feed them for a month.

[Charles stops, surprised]

Rice and cabbage?

CSChoi Sung Ho

I know. I have failed to carry out your family tradition. And I am very sorry.

[chastened] On the contrary, it is I who should be sorry. It is sadly inappropriate to give dessert to a child who's had no meal.

CSChoi Sung Ho

Shall we share, as you say, some Christmas cheer?

No, thank you...but please, go ahead.

Ah, Major Winchester, the party of one. Dinner is served.

[irked] What is this?

Well, let me see: For your appetizer, the last of the macadamias, followed, by a mixed grill of Lebanese salami, sugar-cured ham, and hog jowls; we have seconds on those. Sorry sir, no smoked oysters; I just smoked the last one.

But I didn't-

And for dessert, fresco fudge, and nutty fruitcake.

All laced with hemlock, I'm sure.

Sorry, sir, no hemlock. But I can get you some ketchup.

And what, pray tell, is the catch of the day?

[heading for the tent door] Oh, just one catch, Major.

Ah?

The source of this Christmas dinner must remain anonymous. It's an old family tradition.

[Deeply moved, Charles turns around; Klinger smiles]

Thank you, Max.

Merry Christmas. Charles.

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