I've talked to everyone in the camp - which, by the way, is a first for me - and no one saw or heard a thing. A fact confirmed by our ever-vigilant sentries and their seeing-eye dogs.
“Yessir, That's Our Baby” · Season 8
In this episode: Charles Winchester (3), Hawkeye Pierce (2), Prescott (2), BJ Hunnicutt (1)
(after it is suggested that he fathered a baby in Korea)
BJB.J.
You're lucky we're doctors 'cause I'm gonna break every bone in your body.
[Charles and Hawkeye are trying to secure the Justice Department's assistance through a disinterested Roger Prescott; Hawkeye is getting more irritated as Mr. Prescott keeps leaving the room]
If he tries to leave the room one more time, he's gonna be a diplomatic corpse.
Now, you see, Pierce? This is precisely the reason that I am needed here. Your pugnacious attitude will accomplish nothing.
Ooh, but it'll make me feel so good!
You're clearly out of your element here. This is a time for civility and graciousness; there is no room for rancor.
How about just one bolo punch?
Look. If you wish to accomplish our objective, you will leave this to me. I'm well-versed in the verbal art of thrust and parry, give and take.
Kick and gouge.
Sit there, keep your mouth shut. I will orchestrate these proceedings to a successful-
[Prescott returns to his office]
Well, so much for that.
[sarcastic] Delightful for you to drop in on us again.
Can you imagine, those cretins were actually going to seat the deputy chargé d'affaires next to a sumo wrestler!
[more sarcastic] Oh! How gauche!
[glancing at Hawkeye] Yes, these are trying times.
Yes, they certainly are.
They take one's attention away from the important issues at hand. For example, the disposition of the unfortunate child we were discussing.
Yes, the child.
The one we want to send to the States. That child.
Yes. Well, the answer's no.
No? Just like that? No?
Pierce. Mr. Prescott, surely you will agree that this is a decision that should not be made in haste; there must be some discussion.
Actually, none whatsoever.
Look, Prescott, this "unattended juvenile" you're so blithely dismissing could conceivably be murdered in the name of racial purity. You got space on your application for that?!
Pierce, I'm handling this, remember?
There's nothing to handle. The Immigration and Naturalization Service, by statute, has strict quota restrictions. My hands are tied.
Now there's an idea!
[elbows Hawkeye] Just a moment. There are always alternatives.
Not in this case, Major.
[trying to maintain composure] Mr. Prescott, I have friends of considerable influence.
Gentlemen...
Congressmen.
...you are wasting my time.
Senators.
Please believe me, this is departmental policy.
Cabinet members.
There can be no immigration under the circumstances you have set forth.
Captains of industry.
Good day.
[Losing his temper, Charles slams his peaked cap on Prescott's desk and jumps to his feet]
There's nothing good about it, Mr. Prescott! We are discussing a little girl! A human being who is facing a life of misery! An issue infinitely more important than you and your stupid seating arrangements!
Charles-
Shut up, Pierce! [Prescott's desk telephone buzzes; Charles snatches up the handset] Mr. Prescott is in conference; let them eat out! [hangs up]
How dare you-
You smarmy bureaucratic microbe; you're going to that dinner breathing through your FLY!
[Charles tries to attack Prescott, who flees while Hawkeye restrains Charles]
Run for your life, Prescott, it's a wild boar!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.