Hawkeye (passing out letters): Here's one in crayon, must be for Charles.
I have no need to write letters to communicate with children. I have you for that, Pierce.
That is an insult and you'll answer for it at recess.
“Letters” · Season 9
In this episode: Hawkeye Pierce (3), Charles Winchester (3), BJ Hunnicutt (2), Margaret Houlihan (1)
BJ (reading from a letter): "Dear Doctors, You live a great life, I am jealous of you."
Je- He what?! Jealous.
BJ (still reading): "You guys get to camp out every night, eat real Army food, boy you're lucky."
I... just... Give me that! (takes the letter) Get to camp out, eh? (writing) "My dear diminutive correspondent, Your misinformation is exceeded only by your ahhh-trocious grammar.
BBJ
Leave it to Charles to be the world's first poison pen pal.
You are great with scissors (talking to Bill the lawyer), you could be a doctor or a barber.
This is so unprofessional, I really must object.
BBJ
Objection overruled
Relax Margaret. The lawyer is only here on a trial basis
BBJ
Haven't you ever heard of anyone ever practicing medicine?
And besides, the case is closed and the patient rests
BBJ
OR is now adjourned (Hits an emesis basin with a hammer)
(answering letter): "Dear Virginia, It is with indescribable joy that I accept your gift. It is indeed testimony to the beauty that exists in all creation, but perhaps nowhere more than in a young girl's heart."
(answering a letter after operating on a young boy): "Ronnie, it's not a good idea to take the love you had for your brother and turn it into hate. Hate makes war, and war is what killed him. I understand your feelings. Sometimes I hate myself for being here. But once in a while, in the midst of this insanity, a very small event can make my being here seem almost bearable. I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you, Ronnie except to suggest that you look for good wherever you can find it."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.