Reese quotes from Malcolm in the Middle

Reese

I'm thirsty.

Malcolm

Yeah, well, we would have water if some idiot hadn't used to it write a S.O.S in the sand.

Reese

Oh, I see. You people let me carry the water and all of a sudden I'm the idiot.

Malcolm

What are we going to do now?

Reese

[falls into a cesspool via a trap they had set up earlier] AAAAAHHHH! Oh my God! What is this stuff?

Malcolm

Well, at least the night isn't a total loss.

Malcolm

Come on, Reese. Hurry up!

Reese

Sorry, I had to put the "lemonade" in the fridge.

Dewey

No.

Reese

You like glitter, Dewey?

Malcolm

This is what he is. He's a walking disaster area.

Reese

Does anyone want my baked potato? It's kind of burnt.

Hal

Reese, we didn't have any baked potatoes.

Hal

So, Dewey, how was school today?

Dewey

Mikey Duffy pushed me down today.

Hal

Well, did you push him back?

Dewey

No, he's bigger than me.

Hal

Uh-huh... Reese?

Reese

I'm on it.

Malcolm

Don't you ever get tired of making their lives miserable?

Reese

Nope. Beside, I want them to remember who's boss when they're living in their mansions with their supermodel wives. They're gonna know the guy cleaning their pool kicked their ass.

Reese

I figured out your scam. As it turns out, crazy runs in the family.

Malcolm

Reese, you don't know what your doing. You're gonna ruin everything.

Reese

Relax. I got it covered.

I'm ready to see you now, Reese.

Reese

Geez, you're always so angry. Maybe you really do need therapy.

Malcolm

What I need is for you not to ruin everything for me. Do you know how much trouble we'd be in if we get caught. With Mom, with the school, WITH MOM!!

Reese

Give me a little credit, psycho. I've been doing my own research. (takes rental videos out) See, I rented Silence of the Lambs, Seven, and the Nutty Professor.

Malcolm

Oh, God! Reese, tell me exactly what you told her.

Reese

Nope. That's confidential. Now, which do you like more? Hannibal Lector or the hockey mask.

Lois

Malcolm? Reese? What do you have to say for yourselves?

Reese

Don't blame Reese? Blame Davey. (Lois grabs his finger and breaks it) Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Lois

Well, that's not fair! What do they expect him to do, beat up a girl?

Reese

I get to beat up a girl...cool!

Malcolm

You're talking about joining a cult, Reese!

Reese

My name isn't Reese anymore.

Malcolm

Then what is it?

Reese

I don't remember, but it's not Reese!

Dewey

Is Reese a girl now?

Malcolm

No, Dewey, he's a woman.

Reese

Shut up.

Malcolm

Sorry, ma'am.

Dewey

Is one of them fat?

Reese

It doesn't matter! That boy will be fat everyday. But the boy with the purse, he might not wear it again!

Are you calling me a liar?

Reese

Nice.

Reese

Ooh, Malcolm. Having lunch with your girlfriend?

Malcolm

She's not my girlfriend.

Reese

I don't know. I think I see a spark. (bops Cynthia's nose) Boop!

Cynthia

Please don't do that.

Reese

Aw, she doesn't like to be touched. Well, maybe, I'll do this.

Cynthia

Now, say your body is composed entirely of snot.

Malcolm

I'm good.