Malcolm quotes from Malcolm in the Middle

Malcolm

You want to know the best part about childhood? At some point, it stops.

Malcolm

It's been ten days since Mom lost her job. Yesterday for dinner we had macaroni and rice. Today, it's rice and macaroni.

Malcolm

Whoa, interesting dinner. Stevie beat the crap out of Reese, his dad got drunk, and his mom went totally psycho. Oh my god, we're contagious!

Malcolm

What sounds more idiotic: "Let's go to the desert, kids" or "Good idea, Dad"?

Malcolm

(sees some explosive devices) Okay, I just figured this out... RUN!!

Malcolm

[referring to Dewey] I don't believe this! Here I'm supposed to be the genius, and I'm being outsmarted by someone who can't tie his own shoes!

Malcolm

The tricky part is I need to keep this up without being put on medication.

Malcolm

I can't do it. I'm stupid and I'm terrible. I suck at everything.... AND I'M FAT!

Malcolm

I never called you Moby Rick. I called you Rickapotamus, although... (Rick punches him)

Malcolm

(to the camera) I can't believe how horrible she is. I'm just gonna ignore her. (turns around and keeps hearing her complain more, then sees a loose blouse hanging as he looks over and sees Mrs. Griffin's robe open; Malcolm is shocked)

Malcolm

Hey, I think 45 minutes of rubbing out corns is worth at least an hour joyride.

Malcolm

What? What's going on?!

Malcolm

Reese, she's four years old. You're bigger and smarter... well, you're bigger than her.

Malcolm

Yeah, and that kid, Josh, told everyone I was born with both sex organs and raised as a girl until I was five.

Malcolm

(to the camera) You know, why plan my future when it's just gonna be a wall of paint crashing down on me? I'm just gonna enjoy being a kid again.