Lois quotes from Malcolm in the Middle ... TV Quotes Database

Played by Jane Kaczmarek

Most-quoted character in Malcolm in the Middle: in 210 of its 549 quotes
Most scenes with: Malcolm (65), Hal (64), Reese (56)

Lines by Lois 32

Lois

Malcolm, Every day is a lottery and first prize is that you don't have to scoot yourself around town on a skateboard with your hands

S1 E1 Pilot

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Lois

[calling] Are you boys almost finished wrapping our present? I have to meet your father at the restaurant in ten minutes!

S1 E2 Red Dress

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Lois

Fate is just what you call it when you don't know the name of the person screwing you over.

S1 E7 Francis Escapes

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Lois

[Confronting Mr. Pinter] Yes, I guess we do. For instance, I think it's wrong for you to put your name in sales reports you didn't write. I think it's wrong you keep a bag of herbs in your bottom left drawer. I think it's wrong you slept with the district manager's wife. And you want to know something, you don't even have to worry about it because I think it's wrong to blab this kind of thing. You know you should be glad that I'm the only one who knows this stuff about you. Anyone else here would sell you down the river in a second. God, I'm so much better than you.

S1 E9 Lois vs. Evil

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Lois

Who's damn dog is this!!! I SAID, WHO'S DAMN DOG IS THIS!!! (tries to open the truck door but is locked) Trapped inside, and all the window's rolled and it's 90 DEGREES OUT HERE!!! (no one responds) Okay! Okay! It's nobody's damn dog. So, I guess nobody's gonna mind... (picks up a rock) ... if I just do this. (smashes the window and peeks in and talks to dog) Oh, don't be scared, little doggy. Oh, everything is gonna be... (dog snarls and goes after Lois; Lois' face turns to fear as she takes off)

S2 E1 Traffic Jam

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Lois

MALCOLM!! REESE!!! MOVE!!!!!

S2 E1 Traffic Jam

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[Hal has just put both feet on the brake of the van to frustrate the silver Volvo.]

Lois

Oh good lord Hal, he could have a gun. Just pull over and let him pass.

S2 E1 Traffic Jam

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Boy [to Lois]: Hey, lady, are you going to hog that cage all day?

Lois

(inside a batting cage) I got news for you, kid. I'm a grown-up with a credit card and no curfew. I could stay here all week if I want.

S2 E3 "Lois' Birthday"

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Lois [to Craig]: I am going to have to destroy what ever made you say that. But believe me, its for your own good. #1: No to anything your thinking, no to the buts, no to your what if's, no, no, NO, NO!!!! #2: (she grabs Craig's arm and twists it)

Craig (cries): Owwwwwww.

Lois

Remember that pain. Whenever something else creep's in your head other than the friendly hello I give you in the morning, you remember that pain.

S2 E7 "Robbery"

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Lois [to Dewey]: What are you doing?

Dewey (scrubbing): I'm killing the germs. I hate germs. Germs are scary.

Lois

Don't forget the germs in the oven.

S2 E12 "Krelboyne Girl"

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Lois