What sounds more idiotic: "Let's go to the desert, kids" or "Good idea, Dad"?
I don't like ghosts. They eat little boys.
You know what nobody's mentioned, is that this is supposed to be the greatest army in the world, and you couldn't even kill the three of us. I gotta tell ya, I'm not impressed.
(sees some explosive devices) Okay, I just figured this out... RUN!!
That's not good, cougars don't just blow up!
As near as I can figure, I did it with my mind.
Reese! That's insane!
I wouldn't talk to me like that if I were you.
Hal (to an army general): Well, the thing is that when we saw the fence we did not know if we were going in or out, Malcolm, do you want to explain it?
Malcolm (terrified): No, I don't.
I'm thirsty.
Yeah, well, we would have water if some idiot hadn't used to it write a S.O.S in the sand.
Oh, I see. You people let me carry the water and all of a sudden I'm the idiot.
Dewey, I only have one phone call, so put your mother on the phone so she can come pick us up.
(Dewey puts the phone down)
Who was that?
Wrong number.
Hal, you made me sit in the car for eight hours a day listening to Keno. Now you're telling me you don't want to gamble?
We are surrounded by the great outdoors, Lois. I mean, we could all go for a hike.
Okay, what have you done?
Uh...
Why are you avoiding the casino?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Malcolm in the Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.