I'm sick of being a bully. It's creepy.
“"The Bully"” · Season 2, Episode 10
In this episode: Malcolm (4), Reese (4), Lois (2), Dewey (1), Francis (1), Stevie Kenarban (1), Dabney (1), Eric Hanson (1)
Well, that's not fair! What do they expect him to do, beat up a girl?
I get to beat up a girl...cool!
Those guys are nuts. I'm funny!... Aren't I funny?
To be honest, you can be a little caustic.
The word... is arrogant.
How about bitter, sarcastic and handsome? (Lloyd and Stevie stare at him) (points somewhere) Hey, she's cute.
Rick [to Malcolm]: Remember me? "Moby Rick"? (sarcastically) That was so hilarious.
I never called you Moby Rick. I called you Rickapotamus, although... (Rick punches him)
You're talking about joining a cult, Reese!
My name isn't Reese anymore.
Then what is it?
I don't remember, but it's not Reese!
Is Reese a girl now?
No, Dewey, he's a woman.
Shut up.
Sorry, ma'am.
[At Marlin Academy, Francis is on the phone while nervously watching a mob of cadets set upon another]
Hold him down! You, shave his butt!
Mom, I'm calling to remind you that today is the last day to buy me a plane ticket home for my...[lowers voice] birthday!
Honey, we talked about this. We can't fly you back in the middle of the week; you'd only be here for 8 hours.
But Mom-!
Sweetie, I'm sorry. I wish things were different, but you were just home for Thanksgiving and that's all we can afford right now.
Mom, you don't know what they do to people around here on their...[lowers voice] birthday! They strip you naked and they shave every hair off your body, then they throw you in the reflecting pond! Is that what you want for me?!
I'm impressed, Francis. Your stories are getting better, at least more believable!
What stories?!
Oh, like when you wanted to come home for that party and you swore the Academy was being terrorised by a pack of feral dogs?
Which were never caught!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Malcolm in the Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.